From Now Till 'I Do'...

Friendships and Marriage...A Follow Up

One of my readers, Ebony left an interesting comment last week in response to my post on 'Friendship and Marriage' and rather than respond back in comments, I thought it would be good to share my response with you all.

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Firstly Ebony thank you for your comment and for referring me back to an excellent Boundless article. I completely agree with Suzanne and Melissa's points and believe that married and single women should interact.

The angle of my post, {which may not have come across as effectively as I would have liked}, is that I have realised that relationship dynamics have changed since entering this new chapter of life. I love my friends, all of whom are at different life stages to me and it is those differences which should be celebrated.

Since getting married many things have changed for me and with wisdom, I am learning how to juggle them all. What it definitely doesn't mean is that my friendships are no longer important or valid, rather that I need to discern how best to 'manage' them going forward. I too want to know how best to relate and encourage my single friends as Suzanne also states.

I firmly believe that people do not become friends due to status but more for the fact that they click, share similar interests/values and get along. This should not change after marriage, if it is a true friendship and the Bible actively encourages the younger women to learn from the older ones {Titus 2}. This can be taken literally but also figuratively.

We should share experiences and share perspectives, as this not only enriches our lives but provides depth to our relationships.

I hope this response gives you better insight into my heart and where I was coming from.

Every blessing.

The Importance of the Honeymoon

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So I'll let you in on a little secret...we haven't had our honeymoon yet.

Yes we went to Nigeria after the wedding but it wasn't really a honeymoon in the true sense of the word. We had a fantastic trip visiting family and friends and it was a wonderful experience for me to go back to the Homeland after such a long time but it was HECTIC! We didn't really get any alone time together and when we got back to the UK we felt even more exhausted than when we left!

After our wedding we barely had three days together before my husband had to return to work and those three days were spent running around sorting out post wedding tasks. We also still had family and guests from out of town still about and we both felt that we needed to make the effort to see and spend time with them. So this little wedding perk had to be postponed. I won't lie, it was disappointing and very frustrating.

I wanted to be with my new husband, spend time with him. I missed him. I wanted to wind down from the wedding madness...together. I wanted to catch my thoughts and reminisce...together. Alas it wasn't meant to be but hey, such is life and I've gotten over it now.

Recently we have been talking about how when life gets busy you need to take that time out to re-focus on the relationship, to re-connect. Life has been really busy as of late and the thought of taking some sort of honeymoon really appeals.

We have been talking about getting away, trying to figure out where to go and for how long because on reflection we realise that quality time together is so important to your marriage. Whether you start to take it just after the wedding or in the months ahead, your marriage will always see the benefits.

Honeymoons {or mini-moons as my friend Mel calls hers} can be taken any time and are vital because...

1. You get some quality time together, away from family, friends, work, internet, phones and life.

2. You have an opportunity to recharge your batteries physically, emotionally and spiritually.

3. You get a chance to reflect on the amazing thing that happened. You. Got. Married !!!

4. You can put your feet up and literally not have to worry about the routines of life {can anyone say 'room service'!}.

If you're like us and haven't had your honeymoon yet, please try and make the effort to have that time away. {We're certainly making steps to do so}. It's not about having a flash, expensive holiday but about committing to spending some quality alone time together. If you have children, I believe this applies even more so and would definitely be the time to call in those babysitting favours!

What other benefits are there of taking a honeymoon?

Reflections…Daytime weddings rock!

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So you all remember the Great Venue Hunt of 2010. Well we found our venue and I promised to reveal all after the wedding.

So here it is…Usmania Banqueting Hall in Manchester. It was a race against the clock to get the place ready in time as they were still renovating when we booked them. However the owners came through and were a delight to work with. We had all day access to the venue, which gave us enough time to set up etc.

In terms of decor we kept it very simple as the hall had a lot of character on its own. Our main colour was purple, which was highlighted in the table runners, centre pieces and napkins. Originally I decided against chair covers as the cost wasn’t worth it, but at the 11th hour we struck a deal with the owner and were able to get the chair covers included at a very reduced price…score!!!

As we were the first event at the venue, everything we were using was brand new, so basically the owners said you can have everything but you will need to iron anything you’re not happy with. We didn’t think anything of this until we arrived at the venue three days before and realised that all 50 table clothes needed to be ironed. Cue our wonderful family and friends who went to the venue every evening to iron the table clothes for us. Indebted…yes we were! Thank you guys from the bottom of our hearts!

The High Table…

Dancing in…

Food time…

The food was so tasty. {I had been off carbs the four weeks prior, so eating rice for the first time in ages was heaven!}

We had a ‘double’ bouquet toss! i.e. I threw it twice, so the Videographer could capture it as he missed it the first time.

Lucky catcher and now ‘bride to be' Dele who is getting married very soon!

End of the ‘night’ group shot with the younger guests who stayed long after we had gone! Reflections...Daytime weddings rock!

Tip: If you’ve never considered a daytime wedding, definitely give it some thought. You get to leave your wedding around 6pm/7pm and still have the evening ahead of you to spend and chill with your new husband!

Happy Monday!

Four

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So its been four months of marriage and here is what have I learnt so far...

1. Appreciation. I love my husband dearly and need to ensure I appreciate him for who is and what he does. Not all men are the same. The fact he takes care of me, is kind and loving and most of all loves and respects the Lord, taking his responsibilities as a husband very seriously is not something to be taken lightly.

2. Housework does not have to be done on a Saturday. Whereas cooking on a Saturday really helps me out in the week.

3. Priorities. My husband and my home are more important than my career. I enjoy doing what I do, but I get more joy from taking care of my husband and making sure he is content and fulfilled. I am his ‘helper’ and daily ask God for grace to help me fulfil this role and be a good wife to him.

4. Sometimes it is just better to walk away (from conflict that it, not the marriage!)

5. Every relationship needs boundaries. Lines you agree that you will never cross in order to protect your marriage and relationship with one another.

6. Sometimes you don't need loads of marriage books and websites to guide you in marriage. Just by turning to God's word, you can gather such wisdom. Proverbs is an especially good book to read.

7. It's good to be thankful for marriage. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Likewise I believe she who finds a husband finds an equally good thing AND obtains favour from the Lord.

Reflections…The little things

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Aaah (sigh)… the little things we do to make our weddings our own. Before I talk about the reception, I thought I would share about the things that made our wedding ‘ours’.

Some things were ideas I had seen when wedding researching and decided to incorporate into our day. Others were a little more unique. We also wanted to ensure that we didn’t break the bank, so Lexie and I had to be smart when it came to reception decor. Fortunately as the hall was grand enough, we kept the decor very minimal but used purple runners and napkins to bring some colour into the room, as well as tall centre pieces.

Here are some other things we did to make our day our own…

We hired a classic Rolls Royce to drive us in style. Unfortunately it only managed to take me to the church and then the first ten minutes of the journey to the church, before the engine started smoking and we had to get out! Fortunately one of our guests happened to be behind us and took us the rest of the way to the reception! {Definitely a story for the kids one day!}

The only real flowers used were for my bouquet and the bridesmaid flowers. Everything else was a mixture of real and artificial, making some of the items reusable, if we so wish.