I read a post on A Practical Wedding about this couple’s elopement and it has so inspired me to want to completely cut our guest list right down and have a very {very} small intimate wedding with our nearest and dearest only.
Now ‘small’ and ‘Nigerian wedding’ don’t really go in the same sentence, as a small wedding by Nigerian standards is about 200 anyway, but I’m thinking really small, like less than a 100 and sometimes you just have to take a step of faith and be different right!
It is nothing personal and aside from the obvious cost savings {which is not what it’s all about}, I sometimes feel like there is too much wedding hype around us, which if you let it, starts to take away from what the day is supposed to be about. Also the fact that a much smaller event would be a logistical dream, it starts to become rather enticing.
If you think about it, what is a wedding? Ultimately it’s you, him and God – in front of the people who mean the most to you. Who determines that number?
Whilst I would so love this kind of wedding, the sad thing is I don’t think our culture would allow it - I can just hear the ‘people’ now:
‘Why would you want to do that?’
‘Won’t you regret not having a big wedding?’
‘That’s not a real wedding’
‘How can you not invite so and so?’
Our people would just not get it and would take it personally.
Maybe I need to be bold and speak up, be different and break the mould. Who knows…
What do you think? Would you ever consider it?
Read the rest of Dreamlyn’s story here.
Edited to add {13.02.10}: Found this great Q&A on Boundless talking about the very same issue!
{All photos by the super talented Cameron+Kelly Studios}
Valentines Day is less than a week away - don’t forget to share your stories of love!
I think it's a lovely idea. Most men I know say that's their idea of a wedding - bride, groom and a handful of close family and friends. However it is the bride that usually wants the whole big ceremony, the train, the reception and party. So if you both really wanted to downsize your wedding, you can make it happen. Granted some people will be disappointed, some people will nag and try to get you to change your mind. It will take a lot of resolve to go against the "norm" and you might just want to give in to make your parents happy. But ultimately you decide. As long as you are happy with your wedding, that's all that matters!
ReplyDeleteHear, hear sister. Preach on!
ReplyDeleteHa!
ReplyDeleteYou have 2 hands waving frantically here!!!!
Nigerian weddings are sooooooo overated, I mean just looking at pictures on www.sugarweddings.com drives me MAD!!!!
Granted, They are pretty, but the logistics, MY Goodness! not to mention the "waste" of good money.
I'm Ibo, first daughter, AND I AM HAVING THE TINIEST WEDDING EVER! (when the time comes)
After all the last time I checked, you are suppose to be happy on your day, not them (whoever; parents, aunties)
Why worry about the fact people will be disappointed, wouldn't you be disappointed if your wedding ended up entirely differently from what you wanted?
And truth be told, no matter how "well planned" your wedding is, People WILL still complain.
It's Not Worth It.
It's not a step of faith in my case, It's certain.
Nobody's going to be with me and my husband afterwards, God forbid they want us to drink garri because of wedding.
Lai Lai...
Sorry for the Rant......lol
Sirius, we are the same. First daughter and everything. What is the hype all for! It is tooo stressful. You spend too much of your time pleasing others.
ReplyDeleteI will seriously be throwing the idea at my parents this weekend!
Sometimes I still wish we had eloped. But it was lovely to share our day with the people we love.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Generally our African culture does not often allow for small weddings - everybody has to be there, the friends, neighbors, friends of friends, relatives (both close and distant) etc. It a bit crazy.
ReplyDeleteI think small weddings are way better. If its something that you want i.e a small wedding then go for it. After all this will be your day and it should be what you want it to be.
I am an advocate for having the kind of wedding you want.
ReplyDeleteYou can make it into watever you want, the most important thing is for you to enjoy your day and have lovely memories of your day.
Speaking from a personal point of view, I have a lot of friends and family, and I wouldn't want to exclude anyone if I can. At the end of the day it really is a joyous celebration and that is what is important - large or small.
ReplyDeleteI keep reminding myself, though, that while the planning is all about me...the wedding truly is a celebration of the people who love us and care about us and giving them a chance to show it.
ReplyDeleteOurs will be small, but much bigger than we wanted because while it can be overwhelming, sometimes making your mom or dad happy isn't the worst thing in the world...it's their day too.
It's not really the size or culture. It is what you want and what will make your respective families happy. You don't want to to start off getting in your close families bad books. I don't think 100 is small at all. but you know best.
ReplyDeleteI concur to Myne Whitman's comment. Its not size or culture - its choice! Imagine me, the first child and only son of a Nigerian clergy family... you can fill in the gaps! LOL
ReplyDelete@ Le Dynamique Professeur
ReplyDeleteLol! I am marrying your equivalent although he's not the first child but he is the only son.
By the time I get married, people might just be breathing a sigh of relief to care how big the wedding is. JK. But yep, Igbo, first daughter, etc. The thing is, my extended family, blood family is not really big, and they are all in Nigeria, except one in California. It's the Aunties and Uncles here that would make it big. I don't mind though. However, I'm not all for spending so much money. All my friends are either married or engaged and their expenses are humongoid and that's being Canadian. Without all the halabaloo of being Nigerian and the traditional and all that. I guess one thing of being single is not having to stress about such things yet...sigh
ReplyDeleteBut do what you want. If you want a small wedding, so it! It is your day. No matter what. People will survive. :D
My wedding is being planned for 70 people oh and I don't want one person more! In fact me and the beau keep praying since its a destination wedding which requires a crazy visa process, a lot of people just wont make it. I think my ideal number is 40 so that's what I keep asking for in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI understand though while it's a celebration of your love part of the magic is sharing it with your other loved ones so I think its nice to include as many people as you love and cherish as possible.
@ Ruthie - great advice!
ReplyDelete@ Kemi - 70 people. Na wa oh! That's sounds like heaven. I don't think I can go to that extreme of doing a destination wedding. I'm guessing cos you've had the traditional wedding, a lot of people came to that right? How much influence did both your parents have in the planning of your wedding/s - location, size etc?
You hit the nail on the head! I would love a small intimate wedding, but alas that is not my fortune. I am going to have a large, extravagant affair with lots of people I know and love and lots of people I don't know at all thanks to my parents. It's a battle that I will not win and I'm not even a first daughter. I'm the second!
ReplyDelete