One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, “Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like!” – Gary and Betsy Ricucci
I love this quote, not because it is funny but because it is so true.
I recently bought the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Chapman as I’d heard great things about it and with a strap line that says ‘what if God designed marriage to make us holy, more than happy?’ – you know that it should make interesting reading! I am about halfway through the book and it is really challenging me and re-focusing my mind.
Personally I am finding marriage to be one those three way mirrors you get in the clothes shops, where you can see you front, your side and your back – all at once. Some days you look in to it and like what you see, other days you can swear that it is a fat mirror and it is totally lying to you!
A lot of the times in marriage, there is this constant desire to change the other person, to say well ‘it’s not me, it’s YOU’ or why are you not ‘X’ way or have ‘Y’ trait. You see a reflection of yourself you do not like, but it is the other person’s fault.
I have lived with myself long enough so I’m quite familiar with my ways and what I am like, but when Mr E tells me something about myself that I don’t like or want to hear, the child inside me likes to pout, deny and say ‘whatever – that is not true!’
Deep inside, however I know that God is using my dear husband as a mirror to help identify the areas of my life that are not very Christ like and need refining and I love him for it {even if I may not appear so at the time}!
“What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitude, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness.” Gary Chapman – Sacred Marriage
Gary talks about using ‘the revelation of your sin as a means to grow in the foundational Christian virtue of humility, leading you to confession and renouncement’. So as weak areas of my character and attitude are identified, it gives me an opportunity to work through them and get better, thus making my marriage better.
Do you view marriage as a mirror?
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Yay first bloop bloop!
ReplyDeleteOk... as you know I am not YET married (one day hopefully). The truth is, there is no what if, fact is marriage is one of the ways God uses to make us more holy than happy and I say one of the ways because being unmarried I can see that God is using my current living situation as a way of making me holy rather than happy- I mean who leaves dirty water for days inside a mop bucket? Common sense should tell you that its going to start to smell.
Seems like a good book so will definately be checking it out.
I believe that if more people were like you Mrs E in terms of having a clear understanding of what marriage is prior to saying the I do's and putting in as much effort into the marraige as they did the wedding, divorce wouldn't even be a word found in the dictionary. I admire you.
Nice one.
ReplyDeleteI knew marriage was to make u more holy than happy but thinking of it as a mirror, put it into better perspective for me...thx
Will check out that book.
Totally! Good reminder of why it is so needful to be 'naked and not be ashamed,'
ReplyDelete@Chichi
ReplyDeleteHaven't read the book yet and not yet living with the hubby but can imagine how it would feel like? I would have to tell you from my own experience when I get to that stage, but so far I think it's best for a wife to be submissive and just listen to her husband, it pays in the long run knowing your husband would not tell you something that would destroy or harm you. He loves you and wants the best for you, one tip my father and father-inlaw told me, same from my mothers.
@Niki - lol about dirty mop water. That would so be me! There's many things you do when you're on your own and there is no one to be accountable to!
ReplyDelete@Maid of Heart - so true. You literately are laid bare in every sense of the word!
@YNC - Very good advice. Not easy but great advice all the same.
Lol I was referrng to housemates. Trust me, this is great preparation for marriage. You learn tolerance, endurance, patient and you learn how to pick your battles i.e should you leave a note/rant and rave about the hoover/vacuum being left out in the hallway which is a potential hazard for anyone walking down the stairs or do you quietly bite your tongue and put it back in the proper place yourself.
ReplyDeleteAh Chichi I can't believe you do that, grrrr don't you know it starts to smell, lol.
Insightful post Chichi, it really got me thinking.
ReplyDeleteAm looking forward to reading Sacred Marriage.
If people really knew what God's intended FULL purpose of marriage was, there'd be less people rushing to the alter. hehe. God bless ChiChi, God will perfect you (as one). Philippians 1:6
ReplyDeleteInteresting read...full of truths about marriage...
ReplyDeleteI certainly agree that marriage is indeed a mirror...to help us see and know ourselves better, through our spouses...
"what if God designed marriage to make us holy, more than happy?"
ReplyDeleteMehn, that's one powerful statement right there. Never seen it like that before. Sacred Marriage is a must read for me. I love Gary Chapman anyday. lol
Thanks Mrs E.
- LDP
This is so true. After 5 years of marriage though, I'd also say your spouse can show you good sides to yourself which you weren't aware of and, even better, you can show THEM what a good person they are. You should see how my husband SHINES when I tell him something about him I like and respect. This isn't false confidence boosting but showing them where God has given them talents and where He is working in their lives and where they're growing.
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