Getting crafty at home

Back in August I signed up for an online sewing course called 'Home Ec’. Basically for $60, three ladies hosted an interactive site to teach you how to sew. The site is live for one year and there are loads of tutorials from curtains to cushions, bags to dresses.

After seeing the talent displayed by Joy with my wedding bolero and the skills possessed by Obi who made my bridesmaid dresses, I became hooked. Imagine if I could make my own items!

I've always admired people who have creative skills especially those who can sew. Maggie Whitely over at Gussy Sews, taught herself how to sew and now has a thriving business. Jessica over at From Marriage to Motherhood, designed cute head wear for her daughter and now sells her designs in her Etsy store.

I remember watching my mother sew when I was younger. She had this old Singer machine which she would use to knock together outfits. Sometimes she would let me use it, testing my hand-foot coordination on scraps of material. Memories!

The Proverbs 31 women was a crafty lady..

She spins her own cloth, and she helps the
poor and the needy.
Her family has warm clothing and so she
doesn't worry when it snows.
She does her own sewing and
everything she wears is beautiful.

My goal is to be able to move from doing simple alternations with a needle and thread to sewing my own clothes and soft furnishings for our home {e.g. curtains and cushions} as well as being able to make outfits for our children when they come along.

Are you crafty? Do you sew? Any recommendations for a good sewing machine?

Reader Question: Sex + Courtship

Making it to the altar without crossing certain lines is the desire of every couple in courtship, but it is not easy. So when the following email came in from Niki I thought it was really important to address the issue.

I would like to know how whilst courting Mr E were you able to fight sexual temptation. Was temptation even there, if yes was it ever discussed between the two of you? What were some of the practical steps you used to fight it? Was the wait worth it? And what advice can you give to those choosing to practise celibacy? Thanks

Niki many thanks for your email.

In answer to your first couple of questions, yes temptation was there and yes with God’s grace we were able to fight it. I’m not saying this in a ‘yes were are so holy’ kind of way but yes in that we acknowledged temptation is very real and we actively took steps to prepare ourselves for it.

temp·ta·tion [temp-tey-shun] –noun

The desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid

We all face temptation but often we don’t do anything to prepare ourselves for it. In courtship you’re in this situation where you’re with the person God has called you to be with, each day you are getting to know them better and you’re falling deeper in love with each other. You are going to get married anyway, so what’s the big deal about having sex before saying ‘I do’, right? Err wrong!

In 2 Chronicles 12:14 we are told about Rehoboam, the king of Judah and the son of Solomon who ‘did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the LORD’. He was not ready for the attack of the enemy and as a result lost the fight. Preparation is key people!

Talk about it

In a relationship it’s important to be practical, acknowledge that there will be temptation and talk about how to handle it. At the very beginning of our courtship my husband and I had a very open and honest discussion about boundaries. What did we feel was right, what was wrong but ultimately what did the Bible say about it all. We agreed the lines and prayed that God would help us not to cross them.

What we set as boundaries for our relationship might be different to someone else but the ultimate aim is the same - no sex before marriage. By doing this it took away any pressure of ‘what-if situations’ and allowed us to focus on the relationship, getting to know each other better and preparing ourselves for what lied ahead.

Remember the triangle and focus on developing the marriage

Keeping God at the centre of your relationship, reading the word together, praying together makes it a lot harder to fall into compromising situations. During our courtship my husband and I prayed and studied the Bible together on a regular basis. We also listened to talks and read various books {see my sidebar} on marriage.

We quickly began to realise that the closer we came to God the more the Holy Spirit strengthened us and gave us the power to overcome sexual temptation. I would encourage you to develop your walk with God first and foremost as an individual and then as a couple.

This brings me onto a very important point. All of this can only happen if you’re in a relationship where both of you uphold the same Christian values. The Bible highlights the importance of not being unequally yoked.

Remain accountable

Having a level of accountability in any relationship really helps. Someone who prays with you, supports you and encourages you throughout the journey. This person needs to be someone who is older, more spiritually mature and is able to ask those questions! We had a really great discipler who ensured that we weren’t getting up to any hanky panky!

I believe that sexual temptation can be overcome if the right steps are taken in good time. Have a plan before it’s too late. Continue to pray and ask God for His grace to help you.

If you’re single the same applies. Have principles that influence the way you live and the decisions you make. Joseph {of Technicolor coat fame} was a young man who refused to comprise his principles by not sleeping with his bosses’ wife even if it meant getting thrown in jail. Don’t waste your single days wondering when it will all happen, but rather focus on developing your walk with God, hang out with your other Christian friends and work on becoming the person God has destined you to be.

Remember…

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)

And YES, the wait is so worth it!

Further Reading…

Why Wait for Sex? Focus on the Family

Marry Sooner Than Later Boundless

Marry for Sex Boundless

Samson and Delilah: What we can learn

There are some bible stories that you always remember: Noah's Ark, feeding of the five thousand, Jesus turning water into wine. One of my childhood favourites is the story of Samson and Delilah.

You can read the full account in Judges 13 -16 but the summary of the story is that Samson was a man who's life was dedicated to God from birth. The Lord blessed him with this incredible strength which he was to use to rescue Israel from the Philistines. Many tried to attack and kill him but whenever they came, the power of the Lord would come over him and he would defeat them.

The secret to Samson's strength was through his hair and he had a covenant with God never to cut it. Samson met a woman called Delilah who secretly wanted to find out this secret in order to trick him and allow him to be captured by the Philistines. She asked and asked and Samson gave her different reasons to his strength, until the end he could not take the nagging no more and told her the reason. In his sleep she cut off his hair and arranged for him to be captured once he woke up. Through his poor judgement and bad decisions Samson lost his power and damaged his relationship with God.

There are many things we can learn from the life of Samson.

Don't forget where it came from.

Samson's strength came from the Lord. Several times in the scripture we read that he used this power to get him out of tricky situations and without any credit as to where it came from (16: 1-3).

God blesses us with many skills, gifts and talents. If we become successful using our God-given gifts we should not forget where they came from or the moral purpose that directs the use of those gifts. Notice what happened when Samson forgot (16:20-21). We must always remember and thank God because all our gifts and abilities come from Him.

Don't believe the lies

Samson was deceived because he desired to believe Delilah's lies. Although he could strangle a lion, he could not smother his burning lust and see Delilah for what she really was.

How can you keep your desire for love and sexual pleasure from deceiving you into believing a lie: (1) You need to decide what kind of qualities you will love before passion takes over. Determine whether a person's character and faithfulness to God are as desirable as his or her physical appearance. (2) Since most of the time you spend with your spouse will not involve sex, your companion's personality, temperament, attitude and commitment to solve problems must be as gratifying as his or her kisses. (3) Be willing to exercise patience. The second observation often reveals what is beneath the pleasant appearance and attentive touch.

If you think you love someone, but the first qualities you describe are their physical qualities, you probably don't really love them in a Godly way. Lust and love are two very different things. Loving someone involves unselfish sacrifice and genuinely caring about their needs.

Delilah kept asking Samson for the secret of his strength until he finally grew tired of hearing her nagging and gave in. What a pitiful excuse for disobedience. Don't allow anyone, no matter how attractive or persuasive, to talk you into doing wrong.*

We don't fall into sin...we walk into it

When we backslide it doesn’t happen overnight. It is as a result of a series of compromises and progressively yielding to temptation. We are given many warnings but often choose to ignore them.

Delilah was a deceitful woman and four times she took advantage of Samson. Now for him not have seen this, he was clearly blinded by lust. As the saying goes 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame me'. 

It is all to easy to be deceived by the 'sweet' words of flattery and give in to temptation and false belief leading to things getting compromised. It starts small, you allow your boyfriend to go one step further than he should and before you know it you’re in a situation that you didn’t plan. I'm sure Samson believed Delilah loved him but it is clear to see by her actions that this was not the case. Avoid falling prey to deceit by asking God to help you discern between deception and truth (good and evil, right and wrong).

Sometimes we don't realise it's gone until it's too late

Samson’s relationship with God had deteriorated so much that by the time he was captured by the Philistines, he had already lost the presence of God necessary to deliver him. (v20). By the time he realised this it was too late. Do not let the devil fool you into thinking that no matter how you live your life, God will always deliver you from that situation.

God allowed the Philistines to capture Samson, because ultimately he took God’s presence for granted. Everything he ever needed God would have provided for him but instead he chose to lay himself in the deceiving hands of Delilah and lost everything.

We need to be careful not place our lives into the wrong hands.

Let our true security come from God and the promises of His word.

*Source: Jesus Christ Saves Ministries

Dear Reader...Please tell me about yourself!

Sometimes Mr E and I wonder who reads this blog. Who are you? What is your background? How did you find the blog?

I get lovely comments and emails from readers and it heartwarming to get a small insight into your lives knowing that you have taken the time to post a response or ask a question.

I originally started this blog back in Feb 2009 when I was right at the beginning of the wedding planning process. Only a handful of people read it back then {mainly my best friend and Mr E!} and I used to flick between being a private blog or open forum. I have learnt some much through this blogging experience, meeting some amazing people along the way and as a result this blog has evolved to what it is today. A place where we not only talk about weddings, but relationships, marriage, positive womanhood and God.

I love hearing from my readers and it's especially nice meeting people and they tell me they read the blog and are blessed - it's a real encouragement to me. So even though our wedding has come and gone, 'From Now Till I Do' is here to stay and I will continue to blog for as long as God gives me the grace and inspiration to do so.

In the spirit of community I would love to get to know you, my reader better...so in comments, please tell me:

What's your name? {Real or pseudonym}
Where in the world do you read the blog from?
Why do you read this blog?
Are you single, engaged, planning a wedding, married etc?
What do you enjoy reading about and what keeps you coming back?
What would you like to see more of?

If you've never commented before, now is your chance. Go on...please don't be shy! {Facebook readers come join in as well!}

For those of you new to the blog, welcome! You can stay updated on new posts by subscribing through your email or RSS.

Thank you for reading - I appreciate each and every one of you!

Reader Question: Keeping The Wedding Costs Down

I love receiving mail from my readers and I recently got a lovely email from my reader, Kunbi who is getting married….

I've been a keen visitor of your blog and I love it...always advertising to friends. I'm engaged and my fiancé & I have started planning our wedding. I know you said you were going to write stuff about wedding but could you talk about finances as I know nothing about what to save towards. Could you give estimates? e.g if i want a wedding for 300 people in UK, what should we be aiming for? or how can I find out. Many thanks and I pray God continues to bless your marriage. AMEN

Firstly congratulations on your up coming wedding! One thing to know is that every wedding is different. Some people have got married with £2k and some have spent £20k. It all depends on your budget and how much you are prepared to spend.

Everyone tells you to sit down and work out your budget first but this can be really difficult if you don’t know how much things cost. We had over 500 people at our wedding and didn’t have a first clue about how much a wedding of this size would come to.

The first thing I did was download a budget planner {Wedding Chaos has a Wedding Budget template you can use}, this was so that I could identify the areas where we would need to spend money for the wedding. I then began to do research about the costs of different things using the internet, making calls and speaking to other brides and newlyweds. Once this was done we were able to compile our budget. We then compared this to funds available and tailored it accordingly.

Breaking it Down

The biggest expense you will face on your big day is your venue and/or food/drink. They typically come to around 40-50% of your budget. As your venue is central to proceedings if you can find an affordable venue, it will really help with your overall budget. I know people who got married in their local church and had their reception there has well, as they had a big hall. Cost – zero as it is their home church, so it really depends on your circumstances.

After that you will have things like your attire and photographer which again their prices will depend on what you go for.

It’s hard to provide estimates for things because price is reflective on what you go for and where you live {London is far more expensive than Manchester say} but I can give you some tips which helped us. One of the best pieces of advice given to us was, was that we should come up with a list of things that are non-negotiable. These are things which you must have/include in the wedding. The reason for this is that when it comes to having to make choices about particular things you know how far to budge. If it is a non-negotiable then you fight for it, if not you can let it go. Also remember that nothing is yours until you put down your deposit as in most cases this confirms your booking.

Another thing is about expectations and comparisons. Every wedding is different. Every bride and groom are different. It can be very easy to get sucked into a Wedding Industrial Complex and start to feel like you must have ‘x’ or ‘y’ because you have seen on The Knot or Martha Stewart weddings. Those places are great sources of inspiration, but that is what they should be…inspiration. If you’re starting to feel that your wedding won’t match up or is inadequate, requiring you to spend more money than planned, stop reading those magazines and blogs because your wedding is about creating the day unique to you and your fiancé.

So without further ado here are my tips on ways to save money planning your wedding:

1. Design your own wedding stationery or get someone who can*. It definitely saves you money when you have a lot of guests. I designed all our wedding stationery from 'save the dates', invites, wedding programme and thank you cards and my dad printed them all. If you have design skills definitely have a go, buy some card and print yourself. Ghenet over at teneleventen created her invites and they looked amazing.

2. Utilise the internet. You can get some great deals on everything using the internet. Ebay is especially good for things (picked up coloured envelopes really cheaply on there) as well as sites from overseas if you have enough time to wait for the items to come.

3. Don't forget the obvious places. We got some fantastic items from Ikea as well as local thrift stores. My wedding planner was very financially savvy and picked up some great bargains that we use to decorate the hall.

4. Negotiate with your vendors. My husband and I agreed that whatever price a vendor gave us, that would be our starting point to work down.  This was not because we did not value their service, far from it. We had a budget which we wanted to stay within but valued the skills of certain individuals and wanted to work with them. In those cases we strip things away from the original package quoted in order to keep the price down. For our photographs for instance we just booked Jide to shoot our wedding and provide the photos on a disc rather than the whole album package which we can always do at a later date.

5. People are very talented. People will offer their help, accept it. Our cake was made for free, our DJ was free. Our wedding rings were a gift and our Videographer was free. You might have friends who are skilled in certain areas, don’t be afraid to accept their help.

6. Cut out the un-neccessaries that don't matter to you. Focus on the things that are important to you as a couple. For us that meant not using real napkins, real flowers or having boutonnieres for the men.

7. Skips the favours. Controversial? Maybe. Save you money? Definitely. If you can avoid to give out favours great if you can’t it won’t take anything away from your wedding. We didn’t have favours but we did give gifts to the people who bought the ase-obi.

8. Look out for deals. I was browsing Gumtree one day and saw an advert from a video company who were advising for couples getting married in the next month. They normally shoot documentaries but were now looking to move into weddings. In exchange for being used in their promotional material (e.g. Website) they would shoot the wedding for free. Slaters where we hired the suits for the men had an offer that if you hire so many suits they give you one free. That helped bring the overall cost of the suits down.

9. Be prepared to think outside the box, especially when it comes to venues. Had our numbers been smaller like yours, our choice of affordable venues would have dramatically increased. We discovered that a lot of schools and Universities have fantastic great halls at affordable prices. Speak to them about what they can offer and be prepared to be visionary and think about how you can transform the place.

10. Use your own caterers. One venue we saw which was available for our date wouldn’t let us use our own caterers and wanted to charge £55 a head to make their version of Nigerian food! Even after hosting a Nigerian wedding recently and receiving poor reports about the quality and authenticity of the food, they still refused to allow us to bring our own food. So we said goodbye to them. This will definitely save you money than going thorough your venue and you can control the menu.

11. For decoration be creative. Visit craft stores for inspiration. Hobbycraft is very good for this.

12. You don't have to purchase all you bridal accessories from the same store. Feel free to tap up Etsy where there are lots of creative people who make great items. My bolero was made by the lovely Joy Kelley of ‘How Joyful’ who has her own blog and Etsy shop. Don’t be afraid to buy things from overseas (point 2) as the exchange rate can work in your favour.

13. If you have time, purchase wedding items as and when you see them rather than the last few weeks before the wedding as you can grab some bargain in the sales.

14. Get married in your local church {or the local church of a close relative} as they won’t charge you or charge you as much.

16. Bridesmaid dresses: You can either get your girls to purchase an outfit from the high street {my friend Mel got a great bargain on Coast dresses as she bought them off season} OR buy some fabric you like and get a seamstress to make them for you. Either way it works out much more cost effective. If you need a good tailor in Manchester, drop me a line.

17. Make use of the great technology around. We hosted our wedding on mywedding.com and with that we were able to set up online RSVP which gave people the opportunity to respond to us quickly. We used wufoo to collate everyone’s full names and addresses {you can also do the same using Google Docs). Both of these things didn’t cost anything and as they say time is money, so anywhere you can save yourself time is also of benefit to you.

Hope this helps Kunbi!

Useful Links

Money Saving Expert

Frugal Bride

Confetti

I’m sure other people have great money saving tips for weddings, please feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.

If you have your own wedding or relationship questions, please drop me a line.

* Happy to provide any assistance in this area. Please get in touch.

{Picture source from here and Jide Alakija}