I came across a great post yesterday by
NewLife, where she talks about the fact that there is this woman who is after her husband. It made me smile. Not in a sinister way but in a
I sure can relate way.
She then went on to talk about how we should pray for our spouses daily, asking God to put a covering over them and protect them.
Again I smiled, because I totally agree, although I don’t always do it and I should! Nothing would give the devil more pleasure than to break up a marriage. Trust me!
This past weekend I was in London and Mr E and I had the privilege to receive marriage counselling/preparation from one of his Uncles who came in specially to the UK to see us. We have both been praying that God would bring us a discipler, someone who can guide us as we enter in marriage and he has definitely been an answer to prayer. We were so blessed.
We talked about everything from family, sex, finances, ministry, friendships. It was so refreshing to have an open and honest discussion as adults, be able to ask questions and nothing was off limits.
One of the things we discussed was how to handle friends of the opposite sex. Forget friends even, just generally people of the opposite sex. One of the worst things that can happen to your marriage is infidelity. Yes the bible calls us to forgive, but it is the biggest breach of trust.
Thinking about cheating we discussed the situations in which a man or a woman would cheat:
For a woman to cheat, the relationship must have been dead for a long time. A man has taken interest in her, complimenting her, listening to her eventually taking the place of her husband.
For a man to cheat, he has found himself in a situation. He is at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Something that started innocently was not nipped in the bud and it has been allowed to develop.
Do you agree?
So how do we protect our marriages {or relationships}, while still forming healthy relationships with the opposite sex? Here are some tips that we learnt. 01. Be clear from the outset. At work I have a photo of Mr E and me on my desk. It a nice photo of the two us together, smiling at the world. While some might feel this looks unprofessional, it serves as a constant reminder to other men, that this girl is not single.
Get a nice picture, preferably a picture with the two of you close together and place it on your desk for all to see. I have always have done. Any man who has any ideas will quickly know that you are taken, even if they are still foolish enough to disregard the fact that you are wearing an engagement ring or are even pregnant!…foolish, foolish boys!
02. Check their motives. Any member of the opposite sex that tries to get close to you, be your friend etc, a good way to test their motives is to constantly bring your spouse into the conversation, all the time. Somebody who genuinely wants to be your friend will not mind this. Someone who doesn't have pure motives on the other hand, will positively detest this. It will make them feel very uncomfortable.
Another thing is to always direct them to your spouse. Men - You get asked to do something, meet for a coffee etc, mention that you would like to bring your wife along. Women – a guy at the office is talking to you a bit to much, keep dropping in the name of your other half. If you’re sent an email, when you reply ‘CC’ in your spouse as well. It’s not always practical but you get the message. They will too!
What this does again, is reinforce the fact you are in a relationship and that it is number one. Any woman or man who is not happy with this, or has an issue with getting to know your significant other, I would seriously question their motives.
03. Keep your friends close. Equally be weary of any person who is overly trying to get close to your other half e.g. a women totally befriending your wife or a man your husband. It could just be their way of trying to lure you into a false sense of security in order to still get close to you.
04. Listen to your woman. Men – if your wife is not comfortable with a particular female, listen to her! Women’s intuition is never wrong and woman often see things in other women, that men do not. After all, what is more important. What you’re wife thinks and feels or a relationship with another woman?
05. Me like. You Like. Ladies – find out what your husband likes. How does he like you to do your hair, what does he like you to wear, what does he like to eat? Ask him and do it. It’s not about changing who you are, it is about recognising that as a wife, it's our responsibility to please our husbands. One sure fire way to protect your marriage is to ensure that he is satisfied at home, this will go a long way.
Likewise, men – find out from your lady what she likes from you too. How does she likes you to look, smell, dress so that she too will find you and only you attractive and be satisfied.
06. Being Open. Friends of the opposite sex are not a bad thing by all means, but they should become ‘our’ friends and any relationship which you feel poses a threat or you don’t feel comfortable talking to your other half about, should make you question the ‘pureness’ of that relationship.
If something happens with a member of the opposite, tell your spouse. I’m not even talking about full on affair. It’s the little things. For example if a guy tries to talk to me in a way that I’m not comfortable with, I will always let Mr E know. Likewise if a girl calls him and she is starting to cross the boundaries, he will let me know. Together we can pray about about it and deal with it. Communicate!
It is when nothing is said that things start to escalate, then you have to start recounting what happened and when, tracing back to the beginning and that can often cause more pain. It is so much easier to kill it before it grows.
Marriage changes friendships but what you will realise is that genuine people will always know the boundaries and respect them.
As NewLife said, we need to keep praying. Praying daily for protection and covering over our relationships {me included}. Pray that the heavenly Father will sabotage all plans and intentions that are not for good and help our relationships to strengthen and grow.
Any other tips for protecting your relationship?
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