Marriage Prep School is now in session: 3Ps

Happy Monday – Weekly post from Mrs O

I know plenty of people who are ‘getting married’ and who have become so absorbed with ‘wedding-prep’, they’ve pushed ‘marriage-prep’ to one side.  Marriage is an institution that holds societies together and has done since time began, it’s a commitment with one person and forever – it’s a very big deal. So, whilst it’s great to prepare for the wedding {and let’s face it, you’d be mad not to!}, the marriage must take priority.

We planned our wedding over 18 months or so, and in honesty, it was only when we reached the half way point that we really thought about our impending marriage. We reached a major stumbling block in our lives, there was a LOT going on and it forced us to reassess – re-evaluate and really think about what being married would actually BE like.

Over the next couple of weeks, I’d love to share some insights into relationships and marriage – from how to know when you’ve met Mr Right, to how to deal with your in-laws and of course, the big taboo subject – sex and your relationship. Some of my insights are from my personal perspective and others have been shared with me by my network of friends and family – who are in a variety of circumstances – single, cohabiting, married, divorced, widowed etc.

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On our wedding day, my Mum, who was married for just short of 25 years, but is now unfortunately a widow {RIP Daddy}, shared a few private words with us whilst offering us a traditional peace drink.

She said ‘plan, pray and play together – that is all you need to do’. It was quite funny because we expected a really long and utterly-profound monologue, but that was all she had to say. She has since of course offered much unsolicited {but still appreciated} advice, but ‘plan, pray and play’ is the one that has stuck with us the most!

For those who are getting married really soon, here are a few tips on preparing for marriage – based around this PPP concept:

Pray together

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This is not limited to meal times or necessarily first thing in the morning, but find a time that suits your lifestyle to sit down and pray together; it’s a great habit to get into. Our daughter spontaneously burst into a prayer the other day – it was beautiful and reassured us that God clearly has a key role in our day-to-day lives – even if sometime we don’t make it to church on Sundays!

Pray not just to give thanks for your relationship, but to give thanks for all those around you who’ve had a positive influence on you and your relationship.

Pray together that your family will accept one another and for God’s mercy on those who are having a negative influence on your relationships, for those who continually strive to upset your harmonious balance – pray for them.

Pray together that you will both be fulfilled in your work, pray that you will make more time for one another, pray that you will show interest in and nourish one another’s interests.

Basically, pray for every single area of your relationship and your individual lives.

It can be a bit overwhelming to pray about everything at once, so perhaps try focusing on one issue – the issue that you’ve been carrying around all day, the one that you are most concerned with at that time.

Sometimes when we do this, we end up praying for AGES and it opens the door for communication on hard to discuss issues e.g. ‘your Dad is driving me crazy!’ – I mean who wants to hear that!

Plan together

Share a five year plan; are you on the same wavelength? Do you want the same things? Do you want them at the same time? I am sure that you had this talk in advance of the proposal, BUT it doesn’t hurt to have it again… which order would you like to do things in – house, then babies, then career or another order. There is no ‘correct’ order; however, whatever works for you both is the right order. 

Again, pray on this, ask for God’s guidance – is this what you’re supposed to be aiming for? Who do you need in your life to realise your dreams. Talk to Jesus, he always listens!

Play together

When all the cake has been eaten, you no longer fit into your dress, and the novelty of being a newlywed has gone; when you’re back to work and haven’t properly seen your now-husband in days (even though you live in the same house) - remember to have fun! You’re still you – no need to become a desperate housewife – or househusband!

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On a practical level, why not consider a series of mini-moons instead of a big honeymoon.  We did this, partly for financial and work/study reasons, but mostly because we wanted to have things to look forward to after the big day. So far, we have been snowed in at The Bell in Hampton Poyle and more recently have mini-mooned in Paris! We hope to do a few more mini-moons and we’re enjoying researching the next hotspot and generally having fun in between.

So there you have it, the 3Ps.

How are you preparing for your marriage?

You can see what else Mrs O has to say over at her blog Planning, Praying and Playing, where she documents her mission to plan, pray and play her way through life. With a fine balance of humour, pretty and 'real-talk', she tells us what it's really like to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a 'tryna-b-Christian' and newest of all, a *wife*.