Honour your father and mother! For this is the first commandment with a promise’. Ephesians 6:2
At what point does the line become blurred? Obviously we should always respect our parents, but should we let them dictate everything we do?
Planning our wedding for instance, my dad said to me, right at the beginning of the whole process :
‘You have three options:
Option A – run of to Gretna Green, get married and then come back and tell us
Option B – Organise your wedding yourself, let us know the date, send us an invitation and we will turn up.
Option C – We all work together to plan and organise the wedding, following all our traditions.’
I chose option C, which subtly read ‘I will run the show unilaterally’.
However I did not pick up on this at the time.
Right about now, I know it’s harsh, but I wish I had taken option B as Option C isn’t really working out right now and it’s incredibly frustrating.
I know that parental input is important – the day is all about family and is a big deal for them too BUT surely the couple should be allowed to ‘design the plan’, have the lion’s share of say about the when and the where, especially when they are making most of the financial contribution. {Sigh}
Those of you who have planned your weddings or are planning it, how much parental control did/do your parents have? Anyone else belong to the same club?
Photo by Faramarz Hashemi
Sorry to hear that! I can understand how that would be frustrating. We've been lucky in that our parents have been incredibly supportive, but have left the planning details to us. It's working out really well. I hope you and your parents are able to come to an agreement about the wedding!
ReplyDeleteThat word is very important... Honour your father and your mother... that it may be well with you. We must honour them if we want things to go well with us and all that pertains to us.
ReplyDeleteHello, Dont' know if you wrote this from being upset or what but I know if that was me I WOULD be frustrated...I believe tooo often parents impose on their children lifes wayy too much (especially African parents)...you said you wish you had chosen Choice B? ok and why is that still not an option?? I might be wrong but from the looks of things it seems your parents raised you the RIGHT way such as to explore, think outside of the box and have your OWN opinion and to make your own decisions right or wrong because it's all a learning lesson....I honestly would hate to be in your shoes...you are getting married this should be a happy time (and stressful might I add) :-) it comes with the territory....I have a few African friends AND I love that they stand up to their parents a few said they were going to go ahead without their parents attending their but in their case the parents turned around real fast!!! it's always one thing or another ooh they not from the same country or tribe oooooh the guy need to finish college, buy a cattle on a hill, find the cure for cancer and save the world before he's good enough for their daughter...but my friends decided to do their own thing one couple even when as far as to have 3 weddings to please the parents but one of those was their OWNN way they last went to the justice of the peace, then went away to an Island with 20 friends and got married...they were planning on havening the big FAMILY to do later...but would you believe while the couple was away the guys dad past away??? Now if the parent and stop being selfish who would have been there for his sons’ wedding..girl Life is too short and Even God gives us FREE choice! yes that's right Salvation is FREE..Not even salvation with is the best and greatest gift ever is Not forced upon a person….for heaven sake it's your wedding do what you want......this is just ridiculous!!!! Furthermore what is your Fiancée saying about all this craziness? Men don’t' like stress so be careful....Let the day be about you and your husband to be....Tell you parents it's your way or they can stay home!!! no disrespect!!! You must stop this foolishness next they will be telling you both how to raise your kids? else they not coming over to visit? Seriously you are a grown woman..and Professeur--this has NOTHING to do with Honoring parents.....yea wife’s are suppose to submit to their husbands but if your husband say let's rob a store, should you submit and honor that? You'll don't use scripture for foolishness....Be wise people you both are smarter than that…sorry to take up ur post like this….I just want u to be happy as u should be and don’t be forced by parents…if they weren’t selfish and trying to outdo others they would let u have ur day….and contrary to popular believe weddings are NOT about family…they should be an intimate affair for u and ur mate….
ReplyDeleteWow our Dads must be on the same wavelength because we had that same exact conversation and my father gave me pretty much the same choices you were given. I chose C, but ummm now I wish I had chosen B and in all likelihood by the end of this month I am going to put my foot down and chose B because in the end my parents will eventually forgive me and I will be able to look back on my wedding and remember it with happiness not bitterness!
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous - thank you! Your comment was a real wake up call and so true. I showed Mr E - he was loving it.
ReplyDelete@ Amy - we need to talk! Will send you an email.
Hey Girl!
ReplyDeleteI agree mostly with what 'anon' said. At some stage, you will have to 'put your foot' down, but obviously in a respectful, diplomatic fashion lol. I'd say you should just explain how much you want to marry your beau and TELL them that is exactly what you plan to do. Tell them it's a woman's perrogative to change her mind and that now, you choose option B! LOL! Explain how much you want them to support you and Mr E, but that ultimately, when you marry you will be FORSAKING ALL OTHERS...and that you plan to start as you mean to get on. Parents like to be stubborn, but really they do just want you to be happy..and they WILL get over it! You've got lots of other siblings for them to worry about! : )xxxx
Also, I think we should note
Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Hope I've helped in some way!