Potential - A follow Up

Last week's post on Potential raised a number of comments and debate both here on the blog and on Facebook. Rather than write individual responses, I thought it would be better to do a follow up post.

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Essentially what it comes down to is 'what do you want in a husband'?

This could be based on material qualifications , life goals and/or character.

We all want different things in life and look out for various qualities in the man that we want to marry. What you need to determine is whether those qualities are already evident in his life. Sometimes these qualities may just be at the seed stage, which means they have not yet blossomed but glimpses of it are beginning to spring forth.

Maybe he is not yet the President of the USA but he's a cell leader at church, demonstrating leadership skills. Maybe he's not the CEO of a fortune 500 company but he is diligently running his own small business which is successful and shows that he has vision and can be consistent with something.

Just like in a job interview where they ask you to give examples of particular competencies i.e leadership, teamwork, problem solver in order to establish whether you have the potential to develop those skills in the role that they are offering, whatever the scenario you need to be able to identify those seeds of potential.

Luke 16:10 reminds us "If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities.'

It is good to have standards but not to the point where you let really great guys pass you by because you're not willing to invest the time to grow with him.

Potential vs Liability
Potential and liability may look the same on paper but they are clearly distinct.

Potential = positive risk

Liability = negative risk

Yes Barrack had no job and his car had a hole, but he was also a Harvard Law graduate with a plan and pretty clear goals, something Michelle obviously saw and admired.

When I met Afam he was a masters student, I was a manager in my place of work. Yes we were on different rungs on the ladder, but similar to what Buky said in her comment, after sitting down and discussing with him, it was clear that he was a very focused man who knew where he was going in life. He had evidence to support his words and also demonstrated the traits of what I was looking for in a husband. Today he is well on his way to realising his potential.

Here are some questions to ask yourself...

1. What vision does he have for his life and what steps is he taking to get there?

2. As actions speak louder than words, what 'fruits' is he exhibiting in his life?

3. What are the opinions of those around him? Who are his friends? As Christiana wrote in a very similar post, our closest friends are usually one of two things a) A reflection of who we are, b) An indication of what we will be

4. How does he treat those around him?

Like I said a lot of what you observe will depend on what you're looking for but if you start to see any red flags do not dismiss them.

Potential and Character
The search for a mate has its own checks and balances and there are things, which if identified should not be ignored. The character of your future husband is fundamental in knowing his potential.

Traits in a man such as womanising, abuse or addiction (drink, drugs, porn) should not be overlooked. That is not what I mean by potential. Such a man is not ready to be a husband and it doesn't matter how much so called potential you think he has in other areas.

A story on potential
Here in the UK you would have seen the sports headlines a few weeks ago where Liverpool Football Club purchased Andy Carroll for £35 million. Now Carrol is no Rooney or even a Torres. He is not yet established or well known in the International Leagues. He is merely a rising star in the Premiership. So why that much money?

Because Liverpool saw in him, a 22 year old with great promise to become a Rooney or Torres, coupled with many more years of football, left in him. They recognised his potential and were prepared to pay the money. A risk? Maybe. But the reward would be worth it. That is how potential is. It is so glaring that you are prepared to pay a price to see it realised.

Potential = Faith
Ultimately in all of this, it all comes down to faith. Nothing in life is certain. Each day we make decisions and take steps based on the information in front of us at that moment in time, something I know too well.

Through prayer, we ask God to give us wisdom and then allow Him to have His way. The same goes for choosing your future spouse.

Yes there are risks involved but God gives us the grace to handle each situation he presents before us and he also guides us to make the right choices.

Remember that faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. {Hebrews 11:1}

Now that is what potential is all about.