My other family

When I got married, I officially became part of another family. I became a daughter to a new set of parents and became inaugurated as the newest member of their 'club'. The nice thing was, this process did not start after the wedding but long before.

I am genuinely blessed to have great in-laws and love my father and mother in law dearly.  They are God-fearing people who are kind, wise and care for me as if I was their own and they have taken deliberate steps to bring me into their family.

Relationships with your in-laws are really important. We've all heard the horror stories about how this relationship could turn out, so my tips below are based on my own experiences. Afam's parents do not live in the same country as us, so that obviously influences the relationship but I know that if they were here, we would love to spend more time with them for sure.

Tips for developing your in-law relationship:

1. Take time to get to know them. They are the people that brought your husband into the world and raised him. Similar to your own parents they will have had their own life experiences and may have valuable knowledge to share and wisdom to impart. Looking from their perspective, they too want to know more about you, this woman who has won their son's heart. Allow them to get to know you, as you get to know them.

2. Take time to get to know his siblings. If he has sisters, especially get to know them. (You do know they have the deciding vote right - kidding!). Not only can they tell you great stories about your husband from his younger days, but again they can offer valuable advice on the family dynamics. If you've never had siblings, your brother/sister in law relationship will give you an opportunity to develop that.

3. Make an effort to communicate with them off your own back. i.e. don't only speak to them when your spouse hands over the phone, after they have finished speaking with them. Take the opportunity to give them a call or text yourself. They will be pleased to hear from you. This is something I am guilty of and trying to improve upon.

4. Treat and respect them as you would your own parents, but equally establish clear boundaries as to what aspects of your lives they will and won't be involved in.

5. Ladies, when you're visiting their home especially for the first time, do not sit around, offer to help. Even if your help is refused, the fact that you offered will be noted and remember first impressions count! I know a story of a girl who when she visited the home of her future in-laws, did not enter the kitchen once and spent most of her time in the bedroom. Not a good look! When I visited Nigeria last year, the house was full of house helps who did everything, however I made an effort to spend time in the kitchen. There were a few dishes I wanted to learn, so this was a great bonding experience for me and my mother in law.

Do you have any other tips for building your in-law relationships?