This was my response:
GNG you are not naive at all!
I agree with a lot of your comments. Cheating for me = relationship over. Period. Yes we may stay together for the kids, but OUR relationship would be dead. It would take A LOT of work and prayer to get the marriage back to what it was. In marriage when you cheat you are also choosing to cheat against God too. Yes one can forgive as the bible calls us to, but trust will be broken forever!
As children of God, we are not infallible, however we have been shown God's blue print for marriage, so we should by His grace have a much higher change of success. But again this does not mean that Christians will not cheat , we are all humans, we all sin and it is sad when it happens.
I think the majority of good men {and women} realise how much they will lose, should they ever break their marriage covenant and won't ever try it. If you truly love someone, I don't believe you will cheat on them. Besides to go from 0-60, i.e. full blown cheating does not happen instantly, it starts with small steps and its those small steps you need to look out for and protect your marriage against.
e.g. not spending lots of time with members of the opposite sex, not discussing your marriage problems with members of the opposite sex {or anyone for that matter other than your Pastors/counsellors}, don't have a work husband/wife who you share personal things with etc.
To say all Nigerian men are cheaters is completely rubbish. It's like saying all black people live in the hood and sell drugs. It's totally ridiculous and we should stop saying it. We need to encourage and support our men. Let's speak positively into their lives.
There are many wonderful relationships which I have witnessed but good marriages do not happen overnight. You need to work at it and work at it daily.
Keeping the romance alive, spending time with one another, praying together and for each other are all things that will go far in protecting and building your marriage.
Please join the discussion. What are your views on infidelity?
I am impressed..God Job ChiChi
ReplyDeleteI just **smh**when people generalize based on their own experience....Been a wonderful relationship with my fiancé for like ever...and each day i bless the name of the lord for his life.I couldnt have asked for anything better..,
If u pray and prepare yourself for a cheating husband...U wud get nothing short of dat.
Thank you for your comment, ChiChi. I enjoyed reading it and like your stance on the (thankfully hypothetical!) topic.
ReplyDeleteI was annoyed to discover that some read the entry as me saying "My (future) husband will cheat, what oh what shall I do?" when really it was me commenting on what I had heard about cheating among Nigerians and what my own personal views on the topic were at the end.
It is so true that good marriages do not happen overnight. One of my friends has been married for 1.5 years and she seems to have a solid marriage and when I comment on that she always mentions how they make the marriage a priority and communicate frequently. It is not easy to maintain a very vibrant and flourishing marriage!
Not all men cheat. Same goes for women. The problem is that once somebody has been cheated on, it is very hard for them to trust again, so they keep saying that based on their experience.
ReplyDeleteSustaining any relationship, especially marriage takes commitment and determination from both parties. Once you notice a small crack, you have to fix it immediately. If an issue arises, resolve it as soon as possible. Make sure you keep the fun, laughter and romance alive. Simple things like this can and do make a huge difference in the long run.
Great words Chichi. I am in support of what you said. I love the advise you gave. I should begin working on them. I tend to have more friend on the opposite-sex side. It is my prayer that I'd enjoy my marriage, love my wife and no strange man/woman will come in between us.
ReplyDeleteI pray the same for you and all the readers of this post :)
- LDP
@KabiOsi - your relationship with your FI sounds wonderful. It's all about prayer you know. You HAVE to cover yourself and your relationship all the time. God will see you thru.
ReplyDelete@GNG - Lol, people to need to read and understand! Marriage is probably one of the hardest commitments one goes into. All the people in strong marriages will tell you how hard they work to keep it that way. Hopefully all of this will stay hypothetical!
@Favoured Girl - Great advice you have given there. Trust is so easy to lose but can take an age to regain. I can't imagine what it must be like to be cheated on and how that will affect your future relationships.
@LDP - Amen. I receive it!