Guest Post: Preparing While You Wait - Mistakes to Avoid

This is a guest post from Blessing from Blessings Outlet. We don’t really talk about break ups on here, but they are very real and one can learn a lot from them. Blessing thanks for sharing with us!

When my boyfriend and I of three and a half years broke up a few months ago, I was heartbroken, angry, and disappointed. Since he was the one that ended the relationship, I blamed it all on him. I cried to my friends and family telling my one-sided story of how he promised me a lifetime of happiness and love...you know the "Heaven on Earth" sturvs.

After weeks of playing Ms. Innocent, I stepped off of my emotional roller coaster and decided to keep it "real" with myself. Like they say, "It takes two to tango", I finally admitted to playing a huge roll in the downfall of our relationship.

Let's start from the beginning, Well my ex and I jumped into a romantic relationship without being friends first. My ex (let's call him Mike) and I met while I was dating someone else. Myself and "someone else" broke up a few months after I met Mike. Mike and I started dating 3 weeks after the break up. BIG MISTAKE! We never took the time to get to know one another. I did not know what he liked or didn't like, what his future goals were, what his values were, and to top it off we didn't have any goals for our relationship...we just went with the "flow". When our "true colours" started showing we started bumping heads. We both felt like we were deceived and that we weren't getting what we bargained for.

Rule #1: Before you get into any relationship, get to know the other person VERY well!!! (Determine what you expect from the other person; determine where the relationship is heading - you two should be on the same page and allow room for mistakes (no one's perfect)).

Mr. Some else found out that I was dating Mike shortly after my breakup with him and told my father *rolls eyes*. Needless to say I couldn't hide Mike from my family as I intended initially. About two months into our relationship, he met mommy, daddy, sisters, brother and grandma! And within the next few months I met his family also. Eventually both families met on numerous occasions (as a matter of fact they still speak till this day). Mike's mom loves me to pieces and she still hasn't accepted the fact that we've broken up, she says that we're just "on bad terms".

Rule #2: Don't not introduce your bf/gf to family unless its a committed relationship (Having the families involved early in the relationship can make things complicated)

Because we weren't friends from the get go, our conversations were very limited. As in booorrriinngg *yawn*. We never felt comfortable with sharing our feelings with one another. I felt like he was always judging me and he felt like I didn't care; most times I just sat there after hearing him pour his heart out to me and I wouldn't utter a word. We must understand that women and men are different. Usually when women speak, they just someone to listen to them. And most times when men speak, they want advice/support.

Rule #3: We've all heard it before, Communication is highly important!!! Nuff said.

When I met Mike I was just beginning to discover who I was. Throughout my childhood years I suffered from low self esteem. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough or I wasn't smart enough or my body was a hot mess. Another person can pick up on your insecurities easily: they can either get turned off or take advantage of you.

Rule 4: Before you try to love someone else, love yourself first (you can't give what you don't have). We all have flaws, learn to be perfectly imperfect.

I thought I was Mother Theresa or something, I kept training to change Mike! I complained and nagged about every little thing. I would have mood swings and ignore him (that's a no no). There are going to be some things that you can't stand about your significant other, but you'll never be able to change him/her.

Rule #5: Learn to tolerate certain things, as long as its not something illegal or harmful themselves or others. (Change is good, you can either encourage your significant other to change their ways or encourage them to remain the same, depending on how you go about it)

Mike and I are both Christians, at one point we began to pray together on a daily basis. When the drama came along...we stopped praying together and we became distant from one another. You will have challenges in your relationships, you'll bump heads on numerous occasions; praying together helps you to come into agreement with one another and it also makes you accountable to God. Truth be told, a lot of people won't be happy to see you two together. And the devil hates marriage, so he'll do what ever it takes to prevent it or cause it to fall apart.

Rule #6: Prayer goes a long way, it can make or break (the lack of it) a relationship.

*You can even pray for your significant other before you meet him/her (pray for their finances, their health, their relationships with friends and families, etc)

Understand your roles, women RESPECT your man...no that doesn't mean that you'll become his punching bag or that he can treat you anyhow...just let him be the man...the head...its his God given position...you're meant to be his support system...his helpmeet...his neck. And men, LOVE your woman...its as simple as abc...a lil love goes along way...help her around the house, encourage and support her, be romantic, show her some affection!

Rule #7: Play your part and it will all come together.

I've learned from my mistakes and I'm hoping that someone reading this will also. Relationships/Marriage are hard work, but it'll be worth it. Avoid little problems that can turn into bigger problems. You need to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically to be involved with someone else. Commitment requires sacrifice, and sacrifice is never easy.

So prepare yourself while you wait, God never gives you what you're not prepared for!