Guest Post: What do you mean I can’t get a refund???? I don’t think I want HIM anymore!!!

I have reached the age where conversations had with family members and “aunties” at the majority of social events, family reunions, church and church events are frequently centred on marriage.  I am frequently told by the “aunties”   ‘ei my daughter, you are looking very fresh ooo, and ‘Ah! We need to start preparing our headgear’. (In extreme cases).

Whilst showing them a huge grin on my face saying ‘soon come’ , I silently sigh as I question whether they ask these questions to provoke me, or whether they are seriously concerned about my biological clock ticking, or if they genuinely want to come for ‘our’ celebration, to bless me and my husband?  Or are they just being nosy and just want the latest gossip? The mental note of people to invite to ‘our’ wedding celebration in the future increases, I already feel sorry for the numbers!

I know as I prepare for marriage, I refuse to succumb to pressure and settle for less. I have always been observant and good at listening, when it comes to relationships and marriage. Although the promises of marriage are fulfilling, in the home, in society but above all in the eyes of God, the preparation towards marriage is definitely more than a shopping spree, and I am glad I still have the opportunity, to prepare myself for such a wonderful journey. God ordered the steps of Rebekah, and she met the servant of Abraham, who helped her into her destiny.

As I am sure we can all agree, Marriage is a serious business, and the bible refers to Genesis Chapter 24 as a useful scriptural guide in finding the one HE HAS KEPT FOR YOU.

Bishop TD Jakes describes a truly good woman as a wife before she is married, as the quality needs to be embedded in you before you find him, and it is a unique gift of nurturing given by God. One only assumes that, it is through prayer that one acquires this gift, as we know that prayer is the bedrock of every marriage.

Scripture declares ‘whoso findeth a wife finds a good thing’. Bishop Jakes goes on to say that if the scripture had said whoso findeth a woman... then all women could immediately fulfil the role as wife without a doubt.  I am not hereby saying that it is a right or not a right that all women should be married but only expressing that to be married is a privilege.

Like Chichi and many other ladies out there, I enjoy listening to my elders who give advice based on their personal experiences in marriage and also on how a wife must conduct herself in the matrimonial home although sometimes they deliberately forget to include the bad bits, not bad, but not so great aspects. (BUT I must say, one or two close family members give it to me as it is, NO SUGAR COATING). However, having said that, these real life stories are intriguing and helpful; as I believe the advice given will ensure that I am better equipped to deal with marriage.

To what extent in effect, will this advice better equip me to deal with trying times, when they deliberately hold back the negative things about marriage in conversation?  I guess no one can fully prepare you enough for marriage, but yourself with the help of God. Everyones’ situation and relationships are different. We all know marriage is a journey. Pastor Funke Adejumo says ‘the only school where you do not receive a certificate as you start school is marriage, there is no graduation day to look forward to. It is until death us do part...’

My future husband will not have a sell by date; neither will I have a receipt to take him back to where I bought him from to exchange within 28 days, No refunds available!!!

I have always said, I will never settle for less without a doubt! But is that the right mentality to have?

WHAT IS SETTLING FOR LESS?  Is settling for less accepting other people’s flaws and situations? Does it involve being patient and understanding?  Does it mean accepting his present situation for what it is....? 

Listening to other women and their misunderstandings with their Husbands has got me thinking ALOT. Is it right to assume that I will have the same joys and woes? Can I compare their relationship with my prospective husband?  

I am lucky and somewhat privileged to have my mother shower me with advice me not only as the professional wedding planner she is, but as the marriage councillor and above all my mother, what more could I ask for? I remember the look on her face when I said to her in anger ‘You know I am picky and fussy, how would I ever be able to tolerate the difficulties in marriage? ’ Although my mum laughed, we had a long talk and I was able to take away a lot, but she said the most important attribute to my search was patience and prayer before and whilst in marriage. She took the verse from James 5:7 which says ‘therefore be patient, brethren... see how the farmer waits for the precious fruits of the earth’.

She also said, the earlier I face reality that issues will come and go, the better my relationship would be, as it takes grace and appreciation, patience and understanding to achieve such. As we know every human being has the desire to love and be loved.  Once you have found the one God himself has chosen for you, it is not a journey to be embarked on, on your own. It becomes a lifelong partnership between you and your husband.

Voila!!! Enough said.  I now know where to focus my prayers and ensure I am not only that virtuous wife, but I will need to keep the relationship in sync literally.

We can talk about this till Jesus comes again, but we must understand that if it is the right person from the start that we are destined to be with, then all the other issues that may not go the way we expect them to go will become irrelevant.

I now need to focus on how I will be handling his and especially my shortcomings and imperfections too, and include that in my prayer points,  I’m sure it’s not hard if WE focus and pray ladies!!!

Stay Blessed with Love,

Lexie xxx