Marriage Prep: Ten Biblical Rules for a Happy Marriage

Happy Monday! This is a guest post from Mrs O!

Recently, Mr O and I have stepped up our prayer regime. We used to just open the Bible as and when we felt like it, sometimes it'd be daily, sometimes weekly. This wasn't good enough. Now, we're incorporating more active steps to strengthening our faith. One of these is using the internet for prayer resources and for interpretations of Bible verses that we sometimes find confusing.

We stumbled across this article on CBN and I thought it'd be perfect to share with you all...

Ten Biblical Rules for a Happy Marriage:

1. Never bring up mistakes of the past. Stop criticizing others or it will come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven (Luke 6:37).

2. Neglect the whole world rather than each other. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process?(Mark 8:36) * I really really believe in this one! *

3. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. And don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 4:26).

4. At least once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse. Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4).

5. Never meet without an affectionate welcome. Kiss me again and again, your love is sweeter than wine (Song of Solomon 1:2).

6. "For richer or poorer" - rejoice in every moment that God has given you together. A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate (Proverbs 15:17). Actually in my NIV it says 'vegetables versus a fattened calf' - but the meaning is the same...

7. If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your mate. Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them (Proverbs 3:27).

8. If they're breathing, your mate will eventually offend you. Learn to forgive. I am warning you, if another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him (Luke 17:3-4).

9. Don't use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it (John 3:17).

10. Let love be your guidepost. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged (1 Cor. 13:4-5).

 

My favourite is 1 Corinthians 13 - the whole chapter actually. It says so much and has been a great help in our relationship and in our new marriage.

Which Bible verses encourage you to work hard at having happy marriages?

 

Marriage Prep: Meet the In-Laws...

Happy Monday - Weekly post from Mrs O

When you see the term ‘In-laws’ – what do you do - laugh, smile, cry even!?!

The simple fact is that your in-laws are not going anywhere, so here are a few tips on how to have happy relationships with them:

1) His Mum is your Mum and His Dad is your Dad – instead of thinking of them as your ‘in-laws’, consider them as your ‘new-family’. I speak to my ‘new-mum’ (nearly) as much as my birth mum...we have a really good relationship and that’s because I consider myself to be the daughter she never had and behave accordingly. A high level of respect (and humour) have been key.

2) If they appear to like you, thank God for your blessings. Unfortunately not everyone gets along with their in-laws. If you do, you are very very fortunate!

3) Understand their values: Just as, in order to ‘get’ your beau you had to understand where (s)he was coming from…you also have to ‘get’ where your ‘new family’ is coming from. What is their viewpoint on religious, political and social issues? Knowing this will help you to understand why they say the things they say and it will help you respond positively. Note that responding positively is not the same as agreeing to everything they say!

4) Do not change for your ‘new family’! You are who you are - that's why you fell in love and are getting (or got) married. If they appear to have problems with who you are, then it’s most likely a communication problem. This often happens in cross-cultural situations. If there are some communication problems, or they appear not be happy with a major aspect of your personality (one that no-one has ever complained about before) – do nothing about it! I’m serious here. If everyone tells you talk too much, then you probably do – but otherwise, do nothing! You simply cannot put up a façade forever, eventually, the real you will slip out! Equally, it’s difficult to oppose someone forever; if your beau is happy with you as you are, the 'new family' will (or should) eventually come around to the idea that you aren’t going anywhere and that what they see is what they get.

5) Accept that they’re different: By the same token, don’t expect your ‘new family’ to be the same as your ‘birth family’. Your Mum may have stayed home with you and your 10 siblings baking biscuits and watching daytime TV, but if his Mum didn’t, don’t expect her to be enthusiastic when you say you want to be a stay-at-home Mum, which may be translated as 'I want your son to work, whilst I relax now!' Accept your ‘new family’ as they are. They have been this way long before you came on the scene; it’s unreasonable and unrealistic to expect them to change now.

6) Get to know your ‘new family’ (without your partner); they will become your family too, it’s great to build solid relationships with them and to enjoy and feel comfortable in their company. My cousin-in-law, (who is actually more like a brother-in-law) is now one of my favourite people! We have the best phone conversations and can spend hours chatting – without Mr O. I’ve made a concerted effort to get-to-know all of my ‘new family’. Of course on occasions, this may be treated with suspicion and in many cases you won’t become best friends overnight, but it’s a great foundation.

7) Don’t tell them everything – they can and will choose the worst possible moment to air your laundry. With your beau – of course you have to share EVERYTHING – there can be NO secrets, but with his Mum --- well, she doesn’t need (or want) to know about what you got up to before you became the ‘good girl!’ that her dear son is now marrying! This applies to the men out there too!

8) United we stand: You and your beau must learn to create a united front, starting now if you haven’t already. You both need to put one another ahead of EVERYONE else, including your parents, sisters, friends and dare say it, children! That's where the 'forsaking all others' bit becomes real. Your husband/wife’s well-being MUST come first. If When your ‘new families’ start to present alternative ideas/lifestyles/life-plans for you both – it will be MUCH easier to politely decline their suggestions if you do it together than to battle against them alone.

9) Unsolicited advice – listen to it, smile and then decide for yourselves what you want to do – try to communicate this in a non-antagonistic and respectful manner. In most cases and for the sake of harmony, it simply isn’t worth arguing with your ‘new family’, they are not always as forgiving as your ‘birth family’. Choose your battles wisely! James 1:19 sums this up well: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”.

10) Always make the extra effort with your ‘new family’. This doesn’t mean going all out to impress them - You don’t have to cook a 5 course meal with a homemade sorbet course BUT you must always

· be the ‘bigger man’ or ‘bigger woman’

· never make snide comments;

· always be the first to say sorry {I hope you would never need to!};

· be the first to offer acts of kindness;

· remember birthdays;

· keep their favourite drink in stock, for those impromptu visits!

· call every now and again just to say ‘hi’;

· Smile and show how happy you are through your words and actions to be part of the family!

How do you keep things sweet with your 'new family'?

Marriage Prep School is now in session: 3Ps

Happy Monday – Weekly post from Mrs O

I know plenty of people who are ‘getting married’ and who have become so absorbed with ‘wedding-prep’, they’ve pushed ‘marriage-prep’ to one side.  Marriage is an institution that holds societies together and has done since time began, it’s a commitment with one person and forever – it’s a very big deal. So, whilst it’s great to prepare for the wedding {and let’s face it, you’d be mad not to!}, the marriage must take priority.

We planned our wedding over 18 months or so, and in honesty, it was only when we reached the half way point that we really thought about our impending marriage. We reached a major stumbling block in our lives, there was a LOT going on and it forced us to reassess – re-evaluate and really think about what being married would actually BE like.

Over the next couple of weeks, I’d love to share some insights into relationships and marriage – from how to know when you’ve met Mr Right, to how to deal with your in-laws and of course, the big taboo subject – sex and your relationship. Some of my insights are from my personal perspective and others have been shared with me by my network of friends and family – who are in a variety of circumstances – single, cohabiting, married, divorced, widowed etc.

……………………………………

On our wedding day, my Mum, who was married for just short of 25 years, but is now unfortunately a widow {RIP Daddy}, shared a few private words with us whilst offering us a traditional peace drink.

She said ‘plan, pray and play together – that is all you need to do’. It was quite funny because we expected a really long and utterly-profound monologue, but that was all she had to say. She has since of course offered much unsolicited {but still appreciated} advice, but ‘plan, pray and play’ is the one that has stuck with us the most!

For those who are getting married really soon, here are a few tips on preparing for marriage – based around this PPP concept:

Pray together

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This is not limited to meal times or necessarily first thing in the morning, but find a time that suits your lifestyle to sit down and pray together; it’s a great habit to get into. Our daughter spontaneously burst into a prayer the other day – it was beautiful and reassured us that God clearly has a key role in our day-to-day lives – even if sometime we don’t make it to church on Sundays!

Pray not just to give thanks for your relationship, but to give thanks for all those around you who’ve had a positive influence on you and your relationship.

Pray together that your family will accept one another and for God’s mercy on those who are having a negative influence on your relationships, for those who continually strive to upset your harmonious balance – pray for them.

Pray together that you will both be fulfilled in your work, pray that you will make more time for one another, pray that you will show interest in and nourish one another’s interests.

Basically, pray for every single area of your relationship and your individual lives.

It can be a bit overwhelming to pray about everything at once, so perhaps try focusing on one issue – the issue that you’ve been carrying around all day, the one that you are most concerned with at that time.

Sometimes when we do this, we end up praying for AGES and it opens the door for communication on hard to discuss issues e.g. ‘your Dad is driving me crazy!’ – I mean who wants to hear that!

Plan together

Share a five year plan; are you on the same wavelength? Do you want the same things? Do you want them at the same time? I am sure that you had this talk in advance of the proposal, BUT it doesn’t hurt to have it again… which order would you like to do things in – house, then babies, then career or another order. There is no ‘correct’ order; however, whatever works for you both is the right order. 

Again, pray on this, ask for God’s guidance – is this what you’re supposed to be aiming for? Who do you need in your life to realise your dreams. Talk to Jesus, he always listens!

Play together

When all the cake has been eaten, you no longer fit into your dress, and the novelty of being a newlywed has gone; when you’re back to work and haven’t properly seen your now-husband in days (even though you live in the same house) - remember to have fun! You’re still you – no need to become a desperate housewife – or househusband!

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On a practical level, why not consider a series of mini-moons instead of a big honeymoon.  We did this, partly for financial and work/study reasons, but mostly because we wanted to have things to look forward to after the big day. So far, we have been snowed in at The Bell in Hampton Poyle and more recently have mini-mooned in Paris! We hope to do a few more mini-moons and we’re enjoying researching the next hotspot and generally having fun in between.

So there you have it, the 3Ps.

How are you preparing for your marriage?

You can see what else Mrs O has to say over at her blog Planning, Praying and Playing, where she documents her mission to plan, pray and play her way through life. With a fine balance of humour, pretty and 'real-talk', she tells us what it's really like to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a 'tryna-b-Christian' and newest of all, a *wife*.

Project Wedding or Project What cont…

Happy Memorial Day to our American readers! This is a guest post from Mrs O.

Following on from my post last week about getting a brief and getting a goal for your wedding here is a practical exercise that we used to help us get our wedding ‘vision’.

The first step is to sit down and think about what your wedding means to you and your beau. I’d recommend sitting in separate corners of the room and answering the following (no conferring):

If I asked you to sum up your beau’s personality in 3 words, what would they be?

Tell me 3 interesting things about your beau – any interesting hobbies/achievements/goals?

Tell me 3 things that you love doing with your beau.

Tell me about the best wedding you have ever been to, using the following categories:

Ceremony:

Venue:

Food:

Atmosphere:

Music:

Highlight:

I would have changed...:

Imagine you are a guest at your own wedding and the next day, a friend says ‘I’m just about to get on the tube, but quickly, how was the wedding – 3 words go...’ What would you say:

This is essentially what we did, and the rest just seemed to flow...we worked out what we wanted individually and looked at where it matched up, and we came to some fabulous decisions (even if I do say so myself)! Our wedding was definitely not to everybody’s taste, but for us it was perfect.

In case you’re curious, our words were ‘friends’, ‘family’, and ‘fun’!

Get a brief, get a goal and then you can get a plan. Sure, the goal may change as you go along, but it’s better to have one in the first place! : ) If things do change, it’s all part of the fun!

Let me know how you get on with the exercise! Would love to hear if it is useful!

You can see what else Mrs O has to say over at her blog Planning, Praying and Playing, where she documents her mission to plan, pray and play her way through life. With a fine balance of humour, pretty and 'real-talk', she tells us what it's really like to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a 'tryna-b-Christian' and newest of all, a *wife*.

Project Wedding or Project What?

This is guest post from Mrs O.

You’re supposed to be the captain of Project W, but before you can make a plan, you need to know what you’re doing. Yes, you know you’re getting married, and yes that means you’re planning a wedding but how?

You haven’t done it before, people are bombarding you with questions, ‘are you having roses or tulips’ and you haven’t even set a date... ‘are you having your hair up or down?’ – You don’t know!!! All you know is that you want your wedding to be yours, unique and chic, but what does that mean?

So, being internet-savvy, you googled ‘unique wedding’ and it came back with a gazillion images and blogs,  and you’re sure you’ve seen them all already on The Knot/Martha Stewart/Style Me Pretty, so they can’t be that unique can they.

You’re still confused. You googled ‘latest wedding trends’, just to get ahead of the pack, but alas you saw that someone else has ‘done’ a ferrero rocher tower at their wedding! Whatever will you do?! You can’t have cupcakes because your sister had them 5 years ago, you can’t make your own biscuits because embarrassingly, you can’t bake! Ok, so how will you make your wedding 'unique'?!

I too was on this nonsense spiral, until I realised (just in the nick of time) that it’s not about making your wedding unique but it’s about personalising it and making it yours... not so that every guests will say ‘wow, I haven’t seen that before’, but so that they can say ‘that is SO Mr and Mrs O (replace as appropriate), how fabulous’.. right?

I suppose the 'uniqueness' of your day depends on how unique you really are... are you bit quirky, a bit of a fashionista or a simple conventional gal?! There is no right answer!

Just for a few moments, back away from your wedding tv/big fat fabulous addiction, log out of the wedding forum, where you are called ‘excitedb2b’ and step away from CosmoBride... heed this little bit of advice...

GET A BRIEF...GET A GOAL and figure out just WHAT it is that you’re doing?

In my humble opinion, planning a wedding is just like ‘finding your beau’, it won’t work until you know yourself. Your likes, your dislikes, your must haves, your ‘could survive without its’... you know what I mean.

I have a small exercise up my sleeve that Mr O and I used during our wedding planning. I’ve also recommended it to a few couples and have had positive feedback. Tune in next week for details.

In the meantime, what are you doing to make your wedding ‘yours’?

You can see what else Mrs O has to say over at her blog Planning, Praying and Playing, where she documents her mission to plan, pray and play her way through life. With a fine balance of humour, pretty and 'real-talk', she tells us what it's really like to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a 'tryna-b-Christian' and newest of all, a *wife*.