To my husband who has taught me a LOT about what love really is…
thank you for being part of my life and that I am part of yours
thank you for taking your role as a husband (and father) very seriously
thank you for accepting me for me, but for encouraging me to always be better
thank you for your constant support and unconditional love
Love Always,
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Up and down. Up and down.
Marriage is a bit like a seesaw.
In our marriage we have days when it’s simply heaven on earth. The love, companionship, support and friendship. The inside jokes, Saturday morning pancakes and snuggling up to the Neighbours omnibus {yes we love our Australian soaps}. I truly cherish it and appreciate marriage for what it is. Marriage is good.
And then there are days when there are arguments and differences and you wonder to yourself, who is this person?
Like a seesaw it takes two to make it work. A seesaw with just one person contributing isn't fun at all. Neither is marriage. Both of us need to fully participate to enjoy the ride.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Image {source}
Image {source}
Have you ever had time when you received a letter from your credit card company advising that you have been pre-approved for an increase on your credit card. You have been such a valuable customer and you deserve the extra increase. However if you don’t want it, please call this number and advise. {Does anybody actually call up and do that?}
How does that make you feel?
Or take another scenario where you apply for a credit card and a few days later you receive a letter advising that your application has not been successful. How does that make you feel?
The world places worth on what you look like, the car you drive, the school you went to or the job you do. You can become worthless or worthy in the blink of an eye. Thank goodness God is not like that.
Yesterday my husband and I visited a new church on our journey to find a new spiritual home and the Pastor was talking about God’s love. He reminded us that the bible calls for us to love one another {1 John 3:11} as we love ourselves. But what does that actually mean?
For us to love effectively we need to look to God and see how he loves us. God loves us without any conditions or preconceptions. He looks at our future, rather than our past. He looks at our heart, rather than the image we portray to the world and He loves the sinner AND the saint.
In God’s eyes you have already been pre-approved for the Kingdom of Heaven and just like the prodigal son, the Father is waiting for you with open arms to welcome you back.
All you need to do is come into His embrace and come back to fellowship with the Father. He is waiting for you.
Have a blessed week!
This is a guest post written from the lovely Jaycee from Light-A-Lamp.
Seasons change. Sometimes for the better, other times for worse. My season changed for the better after getting hitched on December 26th, 2009 to the love of my life. It was a beautiful change. Someone once told me, Marriage is sweet. That line has sort of become my mantra. We got married on a sunny day in Lagos, and after a few days travelled back to face the harsh winter weather in the United States.
Sometimes I’m cuddled up close enough to hear his heart beating, and we start a conversation. Sometimes we split the conversation into two pieces and take different sides. Still, I sit still and try to see his point of view. In many of our lovely discussions, I’ve come to realize that I’ve grown into this woman that I never knew I’d be. The Math of marriage, 2=1, is true. Marriage has done something to me. It has taken me and made me a better listener. It has gotten a hold of my restlessness and made me a calmer woman. It has eliminated stubbornness, and in its place respect has been given.
In my short span of 6 months as a new wife, these are some nuggets of wisdom I and hubby have successfully unravelled.
1) Two Really Become One: It was so shocking to find out that two of us actually morphed into one person. This phenomenon cannot be explained by science or any form of technology. It just happened. I no longer exist by myself, and it’s the same with him. In every decision, both of our inputs count. It got so hilarious that I felt weird taking a cookie from the cookie jar without asking him first and without offering him a cookie as well. Yeah, that weird. Well, I’ve stolen some cookies a few times without asking, but it felt out of place not to share them with him. Ephesians 5:31, “Two shall become one flesh.”
2) Our Words are Powerful: My husband always says that our words are like eggs, which once broken cannot be put back together again. Our words are more precious than gold. They are priceless. In a marriage, this proverb is of high importance. Why? The reason is that the person you get angry with the most is the one who’s the closest to your heart. What we don’t realize is that even in those moments of anger, we can curtail the words that come out. Our words have a long-lasting effect, especially words thrown out in anger. Marriage has taught me how to control the way I speak, because the bottom line (no matter what) is that we love each other, and words should not be spilled in anger which might incorrectly show the opposite. There can be love even in anger, and there can be romance after a disagreement. James 3:5, “Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!”
3) Follow the Leader: We are leaders in several spheres in life, but there’s only one leader in a marriage. There cannot be two heads. Someone once said, “The husband is the head, and the wife the neck that turns the head in the right direction.” As humoristic as the quote was meant to be, it exhibits a truth. The husband is the head and the wife is the person who helps him to be all that he needs to be as the head. Genesis 2:18 says that God made the woman to be a “helper.” He is my head, and every final decision for our household depends on his words, with mine being in assistance. In those areas where he gives me the full reign, I gladly make the final decisions. But there’s nothing as silly as trying to usurp that spiritual leadership that I was not ordained to have. It is a Godly thing, an orderly thing, something to be done in love, and certainly for a great purpose. As the head, he also helps me become everything I’m meant to be, which is what a good leader does. Ephesians 5:22-33 says that wives are to submit to their husbands as the “head,” and husbands are to “love” their wives as their own bodies.
4) Spending Time Together: Nothing beats that special time when we ignore everything else going on around the world except our own heartbeats. In the silence we grow together. I’ve learned that having a “special time” every single day is necessary. It could be by choosing a movie together or by going to a park close to a lake. In those moments, feelings from the day’s activities are poured out, and we help each other unravel those feelings (happy or sad). It still amazes me when I find out something new about him. I often feel like I’m inside a discovery cove of a great amusement park, with lots of exciting discoveries inside.
I’m still learning. I’m still on this discovery journey. But there’s nothing as beautiful as growing with someone you love beside you for the rest of your days.
Image {Jaycee’s wedding day!}
This is a guest post from Shona from Dance with Me. I really enjoyed it, I hope you do too!
Love’s Dimensions: Love as a decision put into action
They were like peas in a pod. When you saw one of them you knew that the other was not far off. Just by watching the way they interacted with each other it was easy for one to see that they were two people who were very much in love and enjoyed their marriage. I am talking about my aunty M and uncle B. Even my mum was impressed by their relationship and shared with us what she had seen when she had visited them at their house and her conclusion was that they were a blessed couple because even when you entered their home you could feel their love enveloping you because they were a couple who walked in love not only for each other but also for others.
I use the past tense because uncle B passed away suddenly a while back and most of my relatives including myself could not help but wonder how aunty M would cope with the loss but cope she did, actually way better than we had expected. In 2007 I got a chance to spend some quality time with her and I could not help but ask her about her relationship with uncle B, I am glad I did. The story she told me is one which inspired me beyond measure.
The initial years of their marriage had not been good ones. She told me how she had been a short tempered person, argumentative and had struggled with trusting and giving her heart to her husband because of past hurts. In contrast to her, uncle B had been a gentle, free spirited person who hated arguments and loved her with a passion. Whenever she tried to draw him into an argument (something she constantly did during those early years) he either laughed or made light of the situation or would gently say to her ‘M darling we can talk about it when you have calmed down’, this would infuriate her even more.
But as time went on because of her mood swings and constant complaining and bickering even he a very patient and loving man was starting to lose his patience. She said that one day she woke up and realized she was losing him and her marriage was becoming something that she did not like. That thought scared her to bits because she knew with no doubt that she was married to a good man and losing his love was something she did not think she could bear. It was then that she made up her mind that she was going to start afresh and do her best to become a better wife and she became one who was on a mission to save her marriage. She admitted that changing was one of the most difficult things to do because it meant putting aside her pride, of which she had tones but she was determined. She began with the small things like paying more attention to her husband, biting her tongue when she felt like blurting out stuff and doing small acts of love for her husband that she never did before and most of all she prayed a lot for strength because she knew on her own she would not be able to make it.
Slowly, she said she witnessed a revival in her marriage, her husband responded to her efforts and after a while though she did not become perfect and still lost her temper here and there, she said she learned to be open up to her husband, share her feelings and apologize when she wronged him. It was a journey she told me, one she was happy she made a decision to take and one she was glad her husband was willing to travel with her. That was how their relationship had blossomed, how they had grown to be best friends, becoming a team in whatever they did and look back they never did.
From Aunty M’s story I picked out some important lessons about love, marriage and relationships that I will never forget namely:-
1. Love is a two way street. No matter how much the other person might love if they feel their love is not returned – death of that relationship is most likely assured. (I can see that Chichi has the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman on her side bar it is an excellent book about learning to express love in a language that one understands. I would go as far as to say this book is a must read to anyone who wants to express love to others effectively).
2. Most likely than not people always respond to love. When they feel loved they usually respond in love.
3. Loving someone is a decision and it does not end there but requires that the decision be put into action. It may not be necessarily easy initially but it can still be done anyway – why? Because it is a choice.
4. When we hear or see couples who have a good relationship even after decades and decades of years of marriage it just did not just happen but it took commitment and lots work. I can liken marriage to a car which requires two full time mechanics in order for it to keep running efficiently.
5. It is not a myth that there are people who have good marriages, who enjoy their marriages hence making it possible for anyone to have such an experience. But then it boils down to how much do you want it and are you willing do what it takes to have it?
Congratulations Chichi and Afam!!!! May God bless you and be your guide as you start a life together. Lots of love and blessings to you.
{Picture source}
1. Never bring up mistakes of the past. Stop criticizing others or it will come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven (Luke 6:37).
2. Neglect the whole world rather than each other. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process?(Mark 8:36) * I really really believe in this one! *
3. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. And don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 4:26).
4. At least once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse. Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4).
5. Never meet without an affectionate welcome. Kiss me again and again, your love is sweeter than wine (Song of Solomon 1:2).
6. "For richer or poorer" - rejoice in every moment that God has given you together. A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate (Proverbs 15:17). Actually in my NIV it says 'vegetables versus a fattened calf' - but the meaning is the same...
7. If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your mate. Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them (Proverbs 3:27).
8. If they're breathing, your mate will eventually offend you. Learn to forgive. I am warning you, if another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him (Luke 17:3-4).
9. Don't use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it (John 3:17).
10. Let love be your guidepost. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged (1 Cor. 13:4-5).
At the beginning of this month, I promised to share with you some of my favourite ‘stories of love’ from both readers and blogs I love.
Photo by {Scarlet}
There have been fantastic proposal stories including Giovanna’s over at Swoon and Mrs Quiche over at Weddingbee. My wonderful proposal story is here.
I love engagement shoots and here is one of my favourites by Elton Anderson. One of my favourite weddings online is Mrs Swan from Weddingbee. Read all about here.
Talking about long distance love, Samuel over at LDP, shared in comments the following:
I am now with a lady I can only describe as a Jewel. She means the whole world to me. However, our relationship is a long distance one. Very tough but God has been seeing us through. We talk every day on phone and fast at least once a week for our relationship, marriage and future.
I live in New Zealand and she in Nigeria. I am doing my PhD while she is doing her Medical studies. Pictures of her fills my room, my office in school, my phone, my computers and everywhere they can be so as not to lose focus of that which God has given me. She is my valentine.
Please pray that the love between us will not wax cold and God will see us through to the end.
There has be some Valentine’s Day love with Jessica {From Marriage to Motherhood} and by Bianca {In the Name of Love} in Because.
Kirsten {We are that family} wrote about how He wants more than love and Lisa Jo {The Gypsy Mama} reminded us how Your people will be my people.
Louise over at Thirty Something Bride, talks about a Different Kind of Love, as does Robin {Penseive} in On honour and in-laws: a different kind of love story.
And we end it all with Lysa in Still Holding Hands.
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Next week I am excited to feature my very first real wedding – Mel and Eugene.
Mel and I 'met' via one of the wedding boards, but we later discovered we went to the same university and know the same make up artist, who also went to our university - small world I know!
She will be sharing her top tips for those of you who are planning your upcoming nuptials.
Enjoy your weekend!
Photo by RougeAmour
Well can you believe it, we're in February already. Where did January go!
February is the month of...
I thought it would be great this month to share stories of love. Stories of love to encourage and inspire others. Could be how you met your other half, could be a story of an act of love from someone you know, anything.
Send your stories of love here or send me a link to your blog and I will post during Valentine's week.
Let's celebrate love.
Some love-spiration for you!
Genesis 29:20
So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.
Proverbs 15:17
A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.
Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
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