I remember starting this blog back in 2009 because I wanted to write for Weddingbee. Newly engaged, I discovered this wedding site full of blogging brides where you followed their journey to the altar. They were on the lookout for new writers and I thought why not; the only caveat - I needed to have my own blog.
New to the world of blogging and with the cheesy name of afamwedschichi, I started documenting our wedding planning journey to a handful of readers.
I never did get picked for Weddingbee but I enjoyed writing so much that I continued to blog beyond the wedding, seeing the blog evolve to include topics such as my faith, family and marriage as I shared the things God was teaching and showing me.
This year my life changed and so did my priorities and there comes a time in every ‘project’ were you realise that it has run its course and you need to move forward into other things. This is that time and it is with peace in my heart that I announce that this will be my last blog post.
It is something that I have prayed and thought a lot about and is the right choice for this season of my life. I do plan to return back to blogging in the future, but only when the time is right.
I want to thank you for being such a loyal reader over the past three years. For your comments and messages, prayers and stories, I will truly cherish the memories from this blog. You are part of a wonderful community on here.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me.
Stay blessed!
ps. The blog itself will remain online, so that the archives are still accessible but I won't be posting any new posts.
The Facebook page will also remain open and I will frequent there from time to time to post things I find around the web. Please check out my resources page for other blogs you might like to read.
If you want to stay in touch you can find me on twitter.
pps. We celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary tomorrow (26/6)– woo!
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I don’t have a lot of words today, but rather a verse of encouragement.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7
There are times when life knocks you back, people let you down and you feel LOW. Their words may pierce your heart but I am encouraged that God’s word tells me that He is my strength and I can trust Him with ALL my heart and I will be helped.
If this is you today, join with me today – put on your favourite worship CD and offer him worship and praise. Let your heart rejoice and praise Him with your song.
It is well.
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On this your first Father’s Day… I want to tell you just how proud of you I am.
Fatherhood has come so naturally to you and as I watch the bond the two of you share, I am so grateful to God for your relationship. You really are her first love and I pray that it remains so.
My own personal father-daughter relationship has been challenging at times, but my experiences only makes me appreciate what you do and who you are you even more.
You consciously make the effort to buck the mould, REJECTING the stereotypes that society try to enforce as a black father. Instead you carve out your own blueprint for practical biblical fatherhood, understanding the importance of spending time, being hands on and giving of yourself 100% regardless.
Thank you for walking the walk in fatherhood.
Thank you for showing your love practically.
Thank you for being a wonderful father to our daughter. She is blessed to call you Daddy.
How is it Friday already! Hope you’ve all had a good week!
With Father’s Day upon us this weekend, this week’s finds are focused around the men in our lives.
I was on Pinterest and saw this post in someone’s ‘things for the man I love’ folder. Our husbands are the most important people in our lives after God, so if you’re looking for ways to inspire your other half, here are 50 Ways. I loved the article so much I had to share.
Via Twitter I came across Unveiled Wife which is a fantastic blog with the sole purpose to provide help and encouragement to wives, daily. She has a feature called Letter to My Husband, where you write a letter to your husband and send in. It gets published on a certain day and you direct your husband to the site to read. I think it’s a really nice way to show appreciation to your man publicly (or privately if you want to be anonymous).
Finally if you’re short on ideas for Father’s Day gifts, there is still time to get creative. Check out the great craft ideas from The Crafting Chicks where gift giving doesn’t have to be expensive!
Have a great weekend and don’t forget to show the fathers in your life some love on Sunday!
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The Proverbs 31 woman was a wise investor who understood the value of sowing and reaping.
Verse 16 – She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard.
A prudent saver, she ‘looks’ (or ‘considers’ as some versions put it) a land and then makes her purchase. She is not an impulsive shopper but rather a thoughtful one.
This verse tells us she decides to plant a vineyard. Why a vineyard, you might ask? Of all the ‘businesses’ she could have gone into, she chose something that requires hard work and toil and does not produce a harvest overnight. However she considered all of this and based on the needs of her family believed that this was the best venture to undertake. A vineyard is a long term investment, therefore this shows that she was forward thinking and PATIENT – looking to the future.
‘With money she has earned’ indicates that she only made purchases from money she already had. She does not make financial decisions which will put her family into debt, but rather in agreement with her husband (who trusts her - Proverbs 31:11), she considers the best ‘deals’ for her family, weighing up the overall cost and purchases accordingly.
As I reflect on this verse, I ask myself ‘Do I look and consider my purchases?’, ‘Am I patient enough to sow into the future of my family?’ Am I making good financial decisions? ‘What is my vineyard?’
As a Proverbs 31 woman I believe we need to always consider these questions and how we can apply it to our current situation.
In what ways can we show financial wisdom in our lives?
Other Posts in the Proverb 31 Series
Proverbs 31: 10-31 CEV Version
Proverbs 31 - A woman that Fears the Lord
Proverbs 31:12-15 - Doing Him Good + Having the Right Attitude
Proverbs 31: 15 - Planning + Starting Your Day Right
Continuing with our Proverbs 31 series, last week’s verses were Proverbs 31:15-16. My original post was too long, so I have done verse 15 today and will post verse 16 tomorrow.
Verse 15 – She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do.
Getting up early allows for time in the Word, time for yourself and time to plan and prepare for the day ahead. Even Jesus did it (Mark 1:35), which shows you how important it is. Sometimes my baby will wake up at 4am and not go back to sleep for a while. After she finally goes back to sleep, since I am already up, if I am not too tired, I will try to make the most of the early morning. In addition, depending on the day, I might be able to prep for dinner or do a load of laundry as well. The great thing about early morning starts is that I manage to achieve a lot before the day officially begins and by planning the day ahead, it allows me to focus my time on the important things I need do.
Obviously rising early depends on your season of life, it might not be practical with a newborn baby for example and what I describe above doesn’t always happen, but I know as she gets older, I will look to instil a regular early morning routine for myself.
The second part of the verse talks about servant girls, now I don’t have any servant girls but I could liken what a servant girl would do to all the modern day conveniences that I currently have. Courtney suggests things like your washing machine, dishwasher, tumble dryer etc. The Proverbs 31 woman has a plan before the day begins. She is aware of the needs of the household, and is organised in addressing them. So if laundry needs to be done today, it gests done.
As a planner she does not do this on her own, but she plans with the Lord as her consult. She does not go off and do things but rather, she prayerfully considers the things she wants to achieve and asks God to bless her plans. Other parts of Proverbs reinforce the importance of this:
“Ask the Lord to bless your plans and you will be successful in carrying them out” – Proverbs 16:3
“Plan carefully and you will have plenty, if you act too quickly you will never have enough – Proverbs 21:5
How many times have you just started your day without any consideration of the things that need to be achieved or entered into a new venture and realised that you jumped in head first without considering everything properly. Even worse you didn’t ask God for his input. I know I have and while it doesn’t mean your venture will outright fail or your day will be poor, you open yourself up to potential challenges or misfortune. God is our loving Father who wants to be part of everything we are doing, even the daily stuff.
By bringing our plans to God He is able to open our eyes to any things which we may not have thought about and order our steps. He might even tell you not to go ahead! Planning is not something to be rushed and takes careful consideration. As the old saying goes – failure to plan is planning to fail.
Are you committing your plans to God?
Other Posts in the Proverbs 31 Series
Proverbs 31: The Contemporary English Version
Proverbs 31 - A Woman That Fears The Lord
Proverbs 31:12-14 - Doing Him Good And Having the Right Attitude
Recently I have been listening to various podcasts and audio books as a way to utilise the time when I’m cooking or doing chores around the house. It’s a fantastic way to ‘read’ a book or hear a message if you find that you don’t have the time to traditionally sit down and read.
Over the weekend I listed to a message by Dr Emerson Eggerichs called “Love and Respect”. For those of you who haven’t read his book of the same name, it is a must read in understanding the mind and emotions of both males and females and how it can help your marriage to grow and succeed. Reading the book helped me to understand why my husband is the way he is and how I can relate better with him, which in turn helps him to relate better with me.
The message highlighted the fact that men crave respect and women crave love. This is shown clearly in Ephesians 5:21-33 where women are called to respect their husbands and men to love their wives. God has commanded this from us, because these are not things which come naturally to us. As a woman it is natural for me to show my husband love. To nurture is ingrained within my DNA. Respect on the other hand, well that takes a little more thought and effort, especially in the middle of a fight! The same rings true for a man when it comes to love.
Without love a woman reacts in a way that is disrespectful to a man and without respect, a man reacts in a way that is unloving to a woman and this can continue on and on, slowly destroying a marriage, unless somebody decides to break what Eggerichs calls the Crazy Cycle.
How does Dr Eggerichs describe this craziness?
Craziness is when we keep doing the same thing — again and again — with the same ill effect. Marital craziness is when we do the same thing — over and over — with the same negative results. I call it the Crazy Cycle. When hurt and frustrated, we continue reacting in negative ways to motivate our spouse to be positive. Can you believe it? That's like flipping broken light switches for 30 minutes.
What challenged me in his message was that in order to get off the crazy cycle, I needed to look beneath all the craziness and see the heart of my husband. My husband is not a Judas but rather a Peter. He is not out to do me evil or cause me harm, but rather love, care and protect me.
At different points both Judas and Peter let Jesus down, but their hearts were in completely different places and Jesus knew this. Therefore I need to believe that my husband means well and his heart is in the right place. He is human of course which means he won’t always get it right but it is in those times that I need to extend grace, just as the Father does to me and I would want for him to do to me, when I get it wrong.
Shaunti Feldhahn a leading researcher and author asked the following question to men she was interviewing:
What is the one thing you wish your wife knew but you feel you can’t explain to her or tell her?
The answer? “Just how much I love her”. For me that is such an encouragement to know, because I think sometimes as women we forget this, I know I do.
She continued on to say that men have a lot of goodwill and love towards us but don’t always know how to show it or get it across to us and as wives ”God has given us as women, a whole lot of power in our husbands lives to either build them up or to tear them down” {Proverbs 31: 12 coming back into play once again!)
In marriage just simply remembering this fact will help you move away from typical reactions (disrespect) in a conflict to showing your husband love AND respect, hopefully resolving the situation amicably.
Have you read Love and Respect? What do you think about the Crazy Cycle – does it happen in your relationship?
I am linking up with Jolene over at The Alabaster Jar.
Hope you’ve all had a wonderful week!
After two glorious extra bank holidays celebrating the Queen’s Jubilee, the weather has become decidedly British and rained ever since!
This week's Friday Finds are a cross section of links you might find useful.
1. Jolene over at The Alabaster Jar regularly blogs about marriage and I have been blessed immensely by her writing. She has started a new series called ‘Smitten for Him’ aimed at single women and her recent post about What not to settle for in your future husband is a must read.
2. Insecurity is something that a lot of us battle with. As a mother it can be 10x worse, this post discusses Why you can't afford to be an insecure mom and practical ways to deal with it.
3. On Tuesday I blogged about what I am learning in my Proverbs 31 series – this post is a continuation about Doing Good All of Our Days over at Good Morning Girls.
Hope you enjoy the links…feel free to share any good links/posts (including your own) in comments.
Have a great weekend!
I am currently doing a Proverbs 31 study with Good Morning Girls and thought I would share with you what I have been learning. We are part way through week four and so far I am really enjoying getting deeper into these verses and applying them to my life.
Last week’s verses were Proverbs 31: 12-14.
What do these verses mean for today’s women?
Verse 12 - As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm.
This verse reinforced for me that marriage is for life - “as long as she lives” the Proverbs 31 woman is committed to her marriage and doing good for her husband. As a wife I should make it my priority to ‘do him good’, realising that I have a powerful influence over my husband which should not be abused but honoured.
Doing good needs to be part of our character, which God will help us cultivate and we should always seek to ‘do good’ first and foremost to our husbands. Many times I have found myself treating others better than I treat my own husband, which is wrong. Verse 12 reminds me of where my priorities should lie. Looking for some ideas on how to do good to your husband, check out this post.
Are you doing good to your husband?
Verse 13 – She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth.
Different bible versions say that she ‘works with eager hands’. I believe this verse is referring to the attitude we have when we are undertaking our duties around the home. This does not just apply to wives, but to women in general. Now I don’t get excited cleaning the bathroom as much as the next person, but my attitude when I do it should be a positive one. I mean in the first instance I should be grateful I have a toilet to clean! There are many people in the world who would be happy for this ‘luxury’ which we take for granted. Secondly everything I do should be to the glory of God {Colossians 3:23}. Finally, this is a labour of love for my family and that alone should change my perspective.
Do you struggle in this area? Courtney in her ebook The Proverbs 31 Woman - One Virtue at a Time, encourages us to research and find inspiration {Pinterest in great here}, speak to other women who we know are good in this area and seek encouragement and advice. When I first met my husband I was not that great in the kitchen, I hardly spent any time there and much preferred to eat out all the time. As a newlywed this was not an affordable long term strategy, plus my husband preferred home cooked meals, so I had to change. I decided to spend some time with other wives I knew who were great in the kitchen, to ask them to show me how to make different dishes. I really enjoyed (and still do) this time of learning and have improved so much. Today I have a genuine love for cooking and preparing meals for my family.
Are you willing to work in your home? Do you have the right attitude?
Verse 14 – She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do.
I grocery shop online for convenience, it is especially convenient when you have a baby in tow. This verse however did make me think, whilst it is convenient, is it cost effective? Could I be getting better deals if I visited different supermarkets (sans baby!). In what ways am I using our food budget effectively?
For the first time in a long time, this past weekend I planned our menu for the week and went to the store to buy the relevant ingredients. I then spent time making up 4 of the meals for the week in one batch (thanks for the inspiration Mrs O), so that I could freeze some and take some of the pressure off during the week. It’s great not having to worry about ‘what will we eat’. This verse has challenged me to find ways in which I can serve my family better in this area.
How are you applying these verses to your life?
Related Proverbs 31 Posts
Proverbs 31 - A woman that Fears the Lord
“Perfection is the mother of procrastination” Michael Hyatt (Platform)
At job interviews whenever they would ask “what are your weaknesses?’ I would always say I am a perfectionist. I would smile inside because I always believed that perfectionism was one of those ‘positive’ weaknesses. I mean come on, it’s good to want things to be right, right?
Not always. My problem is that I will keep working at something even when it is already good enough, to the detriment of other things. I don’t know when, to say “Enough! This is as good as this can get…let’s move on. Or enough…this is the best possible option for this situation…move on”.
I am currently reading Platform by Michael Hyatt and in his book he spends time talking about setting goals, reviewing your goals daily and not allow perfectionism to make you a procrastinator, something I believe I have been doing.
Presently I am working on a new project and whilst a lot of things have been completed, there are still certain things I need to be doing to move it forward. Are they difficult things? No. Have I done them yet? No.
What are my reasons…well I could give you a whole host, but are they reasons or excuses? The activities I am spending my time doing are not bad in themselves and will need to be done eventually but they are not bringing me closer to achieving my goal and there lies the problem.
Perfectionism can also stop you even starting a project or fulfilling a dream/goal because you fear that it won’t be good enough, or you’ll never be able to do it as good as ‘x’. Again this is something we should fight against and speak against that fear. God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear but of sound mind or as The Message puts it
“God doesn't want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible” 2 Timothy 1:7.
The same mind-set works with other aspects of life. Waiting for the perfect man to come along. Waiting for the perfect time to get married? Waiting for the perfect time to have a family? Waiting for the perfect time to start your business or change career. Let me tell you a secret about ‘perfect’…it doesn't exist.
If God has laid something on your heart, go for it. Take that step of faith and see where it leads, (I am talking to myself as well!). Put in the work and trust God.
Believe that He is walking alongside you and don’t allow ‘perfect’ to rob you of your success.
Is perfection stopping you from achieving your goals? Share below in comments.
p.s. thank you for sharing your ‘this time next year’ goals…I will be praying along!
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This time last year we found out we were expecting a baby.
Fast forward 12 months and we have found ourselves enriched by this amazing 4 month old who has changed our lives way beyond we could have imagined. While it sounds a bit cliché, it's hard to imagine life without her.
In my old church we had this saying "this time next year" where by faith we would ask God for things believing that by this time next year we would have seen an answer.
Whether it was for a spouse, a job/qualification or a baby - 'this time next year' was a faith prayer and it was amazing to see how God answered and the testimonies people shared.
Back in 2008 my mum prayed a ‘this time next year’ prayer for me…for a husband {not that I wasn’t praying myself – but she did it publicly, at church, on my birthday}. Over the next twelve months God was kind and gracious and brought Afam and I to a place where by my next birthday we were engaged to be married. I am grateful for that prayer of faith.
Recently I was watching a Joyce Meyer teaching where she said we do not receive because we do not ask. Our motives need to be right but she said that often God is simply waiting for us to ask Him.
We have courage in God's presence, because we are sure that he hears us if we ask him for anything that is according to his will. He hears us whenever we ask him; and since we know this is true, we know also that he gives us what we ask from him. 1 John 5:14-15 (GNT)
Are you waiting on God for something? Have you asked Him?
What is your ‘this time next year'?
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This week has been one of those weeks.
I’ve been extremely busy hence the lack of posts, however I do have some great finds that I came across this week.
1. Since getting married I have seen my friendships with my single friends change. Some have evolved positively whilst others have fizzled out. Often I wonder if there is anything more I can be doing for my single friends that will support and encourage them rather than patronise. How can married women help single women is a really interesting article, written by a single women which gives some very useful and practical tips on how to do this.
2. Trust is something which takes time to build but can be destroyed in an instant. Read here How to Build (or rebuild) trust.
3. Do you think the likes of Facebook and Twitter remove the need for people to converse less in person? Face to Face over at Boundless talks about how the increase in technology can contribute to loneliness. A recent study concluded that “The greater the proportion of face-to-face interactions, the less lonely you are,” and “The greater the proportion of online interactions, the lonelier you are.” What do you think?
Finally, if you like ebooks and also like a bargain the annual simplify your family life sale is back.
You can purchase 35+ ebooks worth $375 for only $29 across the following topics:
Entrepreneurship and Blogging
Food and Cooking
Homemaking
Marriage and Relationships
Minimalism for families
Parenting and Kids
I have some of the books already {Tell Your Time by Amy @ Blogging with Amy, One Bite at a Time by Tsh @ Simple Mom and A Simple Marriage by Corey @ Simple Marriage } and have found them really good. The sale ends today so check it out if you’re interested. Thanks Aloted for letting me know!
Hope you enjoy these finds – have a wonderful weekend!
This week I have three Friday Finds for you:
1. First up are two blog posts which challenged me about priorities as a mother:
Inconsistent by Joy over at Graceful Mama
It's Okay to Quit by Sarah Mae over at Stretching Into Blue
2. Second find is the new series started by Courtney over at Women Living Well on 5 weeks - 5 disciplines - 5 challenges. Over the next five weeks she will be covering the following areas: mind, body, spirit, work and time and hopes to encourage you to become more disciplined in these areas. Discipline is the substance which distinguishes successful people from the norm and is something that the Lord has been challenging me on recently, so this series has come at a great time.
3. Finally Michael Hyatt wrote a post about How to break bad habits which speaks for itself. It is a good read with practical tips and links to other resources.
Enjoy and have a great weekend!
Source: polishedandcurled.tumblr.com via Chichi on Pinterest
So last month I went in for the Big Chop (BC), were I got my hairdresser to cut off all of my relaxed bits and leave me with my natural hair. I had taken out my kinky twists and realised that I had more natural hair than relaxed and that this would be a good a time as any to restart the natural hair journey again.
This isn’t the first time I have done the BC. I did it once before when I was at university but ended up going back to relaxer, {see point 1 below} as I found it too difficult to manage. This time round, I am determined to learn how to take care of my natural hair. I also want to be confident in this, so that I can educate my daughter on how to look after her natural hair too.
So far I am enjoying my new hair journey, although it does require a bit more thought and time in the daily maintenance. However I am sure as time goes by I will get a lot quicker and comfortable with my routine.
Source: blkgirlsrock.tumblr.com via Chichi on Pinterest
If you’re thinking of going natural here are some tips:
1. Educate yourself and do your research. There is so much information available now that there are no excuses for not knowing what to do. The reason I ended up going back to the cremey crack after my last BC was that I didn’t know how to take care of my natural hair. There was little information around about how to take care of it, even visiting my local hairdresser, she didn’t know what to do either. In the end I went back to relaxed hair as it was ‘easier’.
2. Prepare yourself mentally. Natural hair is nothing like relaxed hair. My hair has a lot of shrinkage and is quite curly. It is not sleek like when I had relaxed hair and I look different with my natural hair (it accentuates my facial features more}. I prepared myself for this and try to make sure that I still look put together.
3. If you can’t bear to part with your long hair, transitioning is good. If you are used to having long hair and go in for the BC which results in very short hair, it can be quite a change emotionally so prepare yourself and transition slowly.
3. Don’t buy loads of new products as you may already have a lot of good stuff in your house. For example extra virgin olive oil, which I use on both my hair and my daughter’s hair, is readily available from our kitchen, as is honey which I use for pre-poos and the most important ingredient in maintaining hair moisture, our very own H2O, is available on tap (excuse the pun) for ‘free’.
This time round I am also trying to use as much natural products as possible and so am using lots of oils and shea butter {courtesy of one of my dear Ghanaian friends}. I still have regular moisturisers and butters but prefer my natural ingredients.
4. Don’t buy loads of expensive products either. Try and get a sample first to see if it works for you. What works for one might not work for you and you don’t want to waste your money. Right now I am loving Tresemme Naturals Moisture Conditioner. It’s like £4, is free from all the nasty stuff and my hair drinks it up.
5. Finally don’t compare your hair to others. Learn to love your hair and learn how to take care of it.
Useful Info:
Hair sites:
You Tubers – my favs
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Click to read Part One and Part Two.
I prelude this section, by saying the following.
One of good friends told me that in labour two things will happen; it will hurt A LOT and you will think you’re going to die but you’re not. That kind of helped me to prep my mind, a little.
And secondly… I love this quote by Stephanie from A Blue Eyed Boy meets a Brown Eyed Girl where she says…
NEXT TIME I WILL KNOW THAT LABOR HURTS MUCH WORSE THAN I HAD EVER EXPECTED IT TO… and if next time it is as manageable as it was feeling at home, we are NOT very far along yet! =)
This was so true.
*******
Part Two ended with me having contractions throughout the rest of the night, which then stopped at around 4:30am. I was finally able to sleep for like 2 hours or so, before having to get up to go to hospital for our scheduled induction.
When I woke up I was in high spirits. I knew that no matter what happened today, I wouldn’t be sent home and by God’s grace, we would meet our baby girl.
Having been to the hospital on many occasions over the last 72 hours, I was able to repack my hospital and labour bags to contain only the things that were necessary {I still ended up having things that I didn’t use e.g. I packed my kindle, I definitely wasn’t in the reading mood during labour lol}.
We checked in {sounds like I was at a hotel!} around 9:30am and met our midwife, who explained what would happen. Essentially they wanted to monitor me, before deciding the next course of action, to get the labour moving. I would then have the option of a gel or drip. {The Prostaglandin gel ‘rippens' the cervix but I would then need to walk around the ward for another 6 hours. I didn’t want this option. The drip, Syntocinon encourages the body to have contractions, which will encourage the cervix to dilate.}
My contractions at this point were very irregular and I was still only 2cm dilated. Fortunately the Consultant made the decision to start me straight on the drip.
Here are the timeline of events as I remembered them…
12:30pm – started on Syntocinon drip. Feeling okay and not ‘feeling’ anything. Every half an hour the dosage was increased.
2:30pm – dosage continues to be increased. Starting to feel contractions but nothing unbearable from a pain perspective, breathing through them, still able to have conversations,
3:00pm – dosage continues to be increased and now starting to feel ‘real’ pain. Advised to start on the gas and air, which made me laugh hysterically for the first 5 mins.
Now I can’t remember the timings of the rest but…
The pain is getting too much and they offer to do an examination to see how far I have gone.
The first midwife does an examination and I am told that I have reached 6cm. I am ecstatic and so happy to have made it this far on gas and air only. However a second midwife comes and checks me and confirms that unfortunately the first midwife got it wrong and I am actually only 3cm!!! What!
At this stage this second midwife suggests that I may wish to consider other forms of pain relief as this may be ‘a long one’. I want to punch the first midwife. The contractions are coming regularly and with an intensity that is making me cry. I can barely think through the pain.
I agree to an epidural.
[I had been so against an epidural, because I was so afraid of something going wrong with the whole needle in spine thing, however with my waters breaking and labour not progressing, my whole birth plan did a 180.]
Fortunately for me, the anaesthetist was available to come right away and my job was now to sit really still while he did the procedure, which was hard with the regular contractions.
Epidural done…relief. I take a little nap, I can even converse like a normal person.
About 45 mins later I’m starting to feel pain again. There is something not right with the dosage.
The anaesthetist comes back and increases the dosage. Baby’s heart rate falls. Panic mode. I’m getting prepped for a C-section. Consultant comes into the room and monitors the baby, then decides that all is okay. No c-section needed. Relief.
Pain is starting to increase. What is this? Why can I feel my legs. This epidural is not working.
Pain continues. Not good. They page the anaesthetist, they want him to re-site the epidural. He is no where to be found.
Contractions are increasing, full and fast. The pain is intense. I can remember crying a lot and asking where was the ‘epidural guy’. Epidurals usually work I’m told, but in my case it didn’t. My midwives felt really bad, especially as they had encouraged me to have it.
6pm – Checked and I am 4cm dilated. Only! I am feeling every contraction and the pain is getting worse. It is a body turning, intense, tightening pain, which was no longer every so many minutes, but rolled into one big fat pain.
This continues for the next 3 hours.
Time passes very quickly when your in the throws of labour, at least it did for me. The next thing I remember the midwife asking, ‘do you feel like you’re ready to push?’. How should I know!
She asks to examine me again, I can barely speak but just usher her to get on with it.
We have finally reached the magic number (10cm) and are fully dilated. It is time to push.
Pushing for me was weird. I was so tired but so close to the end and my husband and midwife were encouraging me to keep going. I just wanted it to be over. I was barely surviving on the gas and air.
“Push!” she told me, “you can do it”.
“We can see the head” he told me, “You’re doing so well”.
I just had to go into myself to do it and pushed with the little strength I had left.
At 9:45pm after 4 long pushes our beautiful daughter was born.
They laid her on my chest, hubby cut the cord and I soaked her all in.
I couldn’t quite believe it.
She was here at last. A real baby. I was now a mother.
Thank you God.
Next up: life with a newborn + post partum struggles.
Friday Finds is a new weekly feature on the blog where I highlight a blog, article, video etc that I have come across during week which I want to share with you guys. These are not adverts or sponsors but merely things I have enjoyed and think you would like.
To kick off the first week, I would like to share with you a blog I stumbled across recently.
Life Blessons is a blog by a lovely girl called Carmen who writes about her faith, life and marriage. I can’t really member how I found her site, but once I started reading I was hooked.
Her posts are really practical and relevant, often challenging me to think about aspects of my life. Carmen has also written a Better Blogging series as well as a Secrets of a Newlywed series, both of which I have really enjoyed and provide good advice.
If you’re looking for some new reading material online, hop over and check her out.
p.s. The third and final instalment of my birth story will be up later on today!
You can read Part One here.
We arrived at hospital and I was breathing through the contractions, they were painful and I was hoping that once examined I would receive the good news that I was in established labour (4cm). Unfortunately this was not the case. She confirmed that my waters had broken, but I was only 2cm! Cue internal tears. What?!
At this point she proceeded to describe to me how the cervix dilates (turtle neck jumper analogy) and advise that there was now a risk of infection and if labour didn’t progress naturally over the next 24 hours I would be induced. This was not what I wanted to hear. To be fair the midwife was really nice about it and reassured me.
She also advised me that normally they would send you home once your water breaks, but their policy had recently changed and now they keep you on the ward and monitor you.
I was transferred to a ward where we waited and they encouraged me to get some rest but also walk about every now and then, to keep things moving. This was all fine and good, but the thing about your waters breaking is yes it is one event but think of it as a leaking tap, which continues indefinitely. Not great.
As the day progressed instead of my contractions increasing and getting more intense, they began to die down. What had been 5 min apart contractions were now 20 mins apart and on that basis the doctor decided to send me home. Their rationale…as you’re still not yet in established labour, getting to that stage is best done in the comfort of your own home. Blah Blah Blah.
They said they weren’t ‘chucking me out’ but it sure felt like it. I had overheard some nurses earlioer in the day talking about an influx of patients into labour and delivery and secretly I think they wanted the bed back. Now that I was at at hospital I didn’t want to have to pack up and go home, but my contractions were virtually non existent, so off I went.
I got home and decided to cook some lasagne. which may seem odd but the day before when I thought I was going into labour, all I could think of was, I should have made some food to take with us, hospital food isn’t that great’. So I was happy to come home and do that…weird I know! {Ironically when I came to eat it at around 1pm, the following day, the kitchen to reheat it was closed.}
Later that night after dinner, the contractions returned and in comparison to the previous night, were a lot more painful. As I had already had the ‘go home’ experience at the hospital, I was reluctant to go in again only to be sent home, so I decided to see how long I could manage at home.
The contractions continued to come regularly and by the time they reached 5 mins apart again, I was in agony. We called the hospital and they told us to come in. Off we trundled back to hospital, me, hubs and my mother in law.
Hooked backed up the monitors again they watched the contracts and then did and examination…I was hopeful. What was the magic number…?
Still 2cm!
To appease me I was informed that my cervix had improved - whatever that meant.
They told me to go home…again! There were no words.
The time was now almost 1am and as we were due to come back to the hospital later that day (9am) for the induction, hubs suggested we ask them if we can stay. I declined. I just wanted to leave. As well as it being frustrating, I was getting embarrassed that I was ‘dragging’ my hubby and MIL to the hospital each time, only to be told that nothing had moved on. Regardless of what my cervix was doing, I felt like a failure.
Back home we went and the contractions continued through the night…
Where has the time gone. Err hello April! My little princess has reached the two month milestone and gone past it (she’s now 10 weeks – 5 in the picture above).
In that time she has changed so much from the little newborn we first met. She is sleeping less than she used to and is now giving us lots of smiles and laughs which is fun to watch. My mother in law left at the end of February, so this past month we have been learning to figure things as our little family of three.
I have been wanting to share my birth story for weeks, but finding the time to sit down and write it has been tough. I have recalled the story to many people who have asked, but putting it down into words hasn’t been easy. It’s not like I have forgotten what happened, quite the opposite. I didn’t want to forget anything and whilst I know there will be parts of it I won’t remember (have to rely on hubby for those moments) the bits I do remember I have recorded.
Equally my birth story played out completely different to how we planned or envisaged. At the time this was very frustrating but the end result was the same and I couldn’t be happier with little miss s.
So anywhoo…let’s begin.
So my due date was 19.01.2012. That day came and went and I was bummed.
The previous Monday I went for my 39 week midwife appointment. She did the usual checks and told me to return the following Monday (40 + 4) if nothing had happened, at which point she would perform a membrane sweep. Secretly I hoped and prayed that I would NOT be seeing her the following Monday.
I knew that few babies actually come on their due date but I was hoping that she would make an appearance on time. Whilst I enjoyed being pregnant, towards the end I was getting bored waiting. My MIL had arrived and it seemed that each day that passed with no baby was a wasted day. I really wanted her to have as much time with the baby as possible.
The following Saturday, I was busy doing things around the house but noticed that I was feeling reduced fetal movements. Since the fall two weeks prior I was conscious to make sure I felt her move every day. Before calling the hospital I did all the usual things to get her to move, however it was limited and not normal, so I spoke to the hospital and they told me to come in.
At the hospital they hooked me up to the monitor and watched me for an hour. Thankfully she was looking fine and was moving around as she should. The midwife was happy and said I could go home.
As I was already past my due date, before we left I asked the midwife whether she would be able to perform the membrane sweep today, rather than wait until Monday, maybe it would speed things along. She agreed and off we went home.
The next day (Sunday) hubby and I decided to go for a super long walk around our neighbourhood. Now this walk was long! We were out for over an hour and here’s me 40 weeks plus waddling about but it felt good to be doing something.
That night at 11:30pm my water’s broke.
{Now folks, I was always concerned about this whole water breaking thing 1. where would it happen and 2. would I know it was happening. Let’s just say I’m so glad I was at home and there was no mistaking it was my water’s breaking.}
Excited I called the hospital who told me to come in the following morning for confirmation.
I went back to bed filled with anticipation. Little did I know that this was the start of many trips to the hospital.
To be continued…
Today is my birthday!
When I look back on the year, A LOT has happened and I have been blessed with so much. Equally there have been challenges and lessons learnt, but through it all, God has been my constant.
This past year I have grown in age, grown in my faith, grown in my marriage and grown as a family.
I thank God for giving me another 365 days (or 366 in this case) and I plan to live each of them to the fullest!
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It has been a bit quiet on the blog as of late.
I have wanted to write, but the very valuable commodity that is time, has been reallocated to a precious little girl who wants my full attention and things like having a shower or eating food haven taken precedent over blogging. Equally she had her Dedication at church last week, so it has been very busy around here with guests and such like.
My birth story is still sat in Drafts and unlike Amy who has been super efficient in posting her birth story (which was beautiful btw), it may be a while before it is ‘live’. I will try though, although if you know me in real life, you would have heard it already.
My MIL left on Sunday and this week it has just been me and Miss S. We are adjusting and I have slowly begun to realise that I can’t do everything and some things just have to be. But I am enjoying it and each day I learn more. I also had the opportunity to meet up with other mummy friends which has been fun. We all used to meet when we were pregnant so it was good to come together with our babies and share our stories.
I hope to be back more regularly, very soon.
Have a great weekend!
Picture - Me circa 1987
To my husband who has taught me a LOT about what love really is…
thank you for being part of my life and that I am part of yours
thank you for taking your role as a husband (and father) very seriously
thank you for accepting me for me, but for encouraging me to always be better
thank you for your constant support and unconditional love
Love Always,
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Today is a wonderful guest post from Aloted on waiting on God. Aloted is a good friend of mine both online and off and I love her pointers below. One of my favourite songs reflects upon the verse she quotes at the end, so I have included it too.
Hope you enjoy the post.
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Some time ago, I was in the midst of a group of ladies and the conversation steered towards waiting and how hard it is to wait for anything.
Someone now asked the question- “which is easier- to wait on God for a husband or a baby?” A single lady in the group quickly shouted “Oh it is definitely harder to wait for a husband than a baby; at least a married woman has one out of the two- a husband, while singles have neither”. One married woman shook her head and said “hmm I think it is harder waiting for a baby, at least there are plenty single men around and you can easily pick one to marry, but when you don’t have a baby everyone especially your in-laws start staring at you wondering why you don’t have a child”. Another single person chipped in- “well you can adopt a baby not a husband or do IVF”. The argument kept going back at forth with everyone trying to defend their corner as they deemed fit. I sat there listening, not contributing, considering I have a husband and a daughter and didn’t think my opinion mattered anyway.
Later on, I went over the full conversation in my head and I realised the ladies who were waiting for either a life partner or a baby defended their argument based on their need. It was very hard for the single girl to see why a married woman should be lamenting “at least she has someone to warm her bed at night”. The married women felt single girls can be choosy that’s why they are still single.
It then occurred to me that no matter what you are waiting for, it could be very hard especially when there is no end in sight. I don’t think another need is superior that the other but I do know it can be a challenge waiting for that need to materialize. It could be as “simple” as waiting in line in a queue, waiting for the bus, waiting for that job, waiting for that breakthrough, waiting for Mr Right or a baby as in the cases above. Whatever the circumstance, it is worth knowing what to do while you are waiting.
Some tips on waiting on God:
1. Focus on God’s promises for you. He says to you- he is working everything out for your good (Romans 8:28), he has a great plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11), though it tarries, it will surely come! (Habakkuk 2:3), cast all your cares on him (1 Peter 5:7)
2. Joyce Meyers said “Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.” She also said “Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” Waiting isn’t easy but you can choose to have a positive attitude while waiting. Since you already believe God at his word (e.g. 1 above) you might as well wait joyfully and expectantly because in the end it will come to you.
3. Be a source of blessing to others around you. I can assure you, you are not the only one waiting for something. Look around you. You can be the answer to someone else’s prayer. By helping others around you, your problems don’t seem so big anymore and you actually feel better.
4. Live in the present- worrying about the future robs you of the present. Worrying would not change your situation so enjoy your life and appreciate God’s goodness in your life. Count your blessings, name them one by one. Focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have.
5. Develop yourself while waiting. Read books, meet people, develop your talent so that you are ready when that job comes, when that husband comes, when that baby comes, what that breakthrough comes.
6. Sometimes God says no to that need. As hard as that may be, trust in Him- in the master plan he has for your life, and keep living.
I pray God meets you at the point of your need, and that your waiting will not be in vain. I end with this scripture in the Bible.
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
Thank you Aloted!
You can read more of her musings over at Purposed Driven Blog and From the Heart of Soul Sistas
Image {via}
Many have asked what does Siobi mean?
Siobi : pronounced See-oh-bee
It is short for Chidintukwasiobi which is ‘God is Faithful’ in Igbo.
When choosing her name we decided to work backwards. We knew what we wanted her name to mean and between an Igbo bible and Google, her name was formed.
God’s faithfulness is a theme tune that runs through our family. We see it day in day out and continue to be in awe of what God does for us.
Now obviously Chidintukwasiobi is a lot for a child to spell so she’ll be known as Siobi.
Motherhood is treating me well. Physically I am feeling a lot better than I did in the first week and it’s amazing how quickly you learn to know your child. I can change a nappy super fast and have learnt to do many everyday tasks one handed! Emotionally every time I look at her I can’t quite believe she is the same baby I carried for nine months. She has her own little personality and really only ever cries when she is tired or hungry. The love I have for her is so deep and I want to do everything in my power to protect and nurture her.
Labour seems like a distant memory and life has become a whirlwind of hugs, kisses, feeds and nappy changes.
Motherhood – I heart it.
Birth story coming soon…
So it’s been a week since Siobi entered our lives and what a week it has been. Thank you for all your comments and emails of love and congrats. We were really touched.
As each day passes we are becoming more confident and comfortable in our abilities to take care of her. She has been feeding well and growing well (she put weight on at her recent midwife visit) and is such a peaceful little girl.
Having a third person around has been invaluable. I really don’t know how we would have coped this past week without my MIL being around. She has been a real blessing. My first meal home from hospital was pepper soup…yummy!
This past weekend we had family visiting and it was so amazing to see how much joy one little baby can bring. My siblings are all thrilled to be uncles and aunties for the first time and for my parents this is their first grandchild, so it is a huge milestone for them. Nevertheless even as grandchild number 4, Afam’s parents are over the moon too.
Labour was intense and completely different to how I planned or imagined, but the outcome was still the same and we were blessed with a beautiful daughter. I am slowly getting into a routine and hope to post about my labour experience and life as a momma very soon. In the meantime you will see a couple of guest posts thrown in here and there to keep the blog ticking over. And for those of you awaiting pictures… here is something to tide you over (Yes I am such a tease)!
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Today I have my lovely friend Modupe from Hepzibah Bride writing about having children and timing.
At our traditional engagement and wedding ceremony, our non-Nigerian friends were highly amused at the prayers and blessings pronounced over us that went something like 'Oh Lord, this time next year, bless them with the fruit of the womb!' Cue a resounding "AMEN!" Talk about pressure! And I am certain that there were auntie's that were sneaking looks at my middle in the months following to see if any growth was apparent.
Contrast that with the prayer of the vicar at a friends wedding - "Lord if they wish to have children..." Cue the the once closed eyes tight in fervent agreement flying open with shock and a stifled "ah ah, wetin' be the problem of this father, of course they want to have children now! God forbid bad thing that they won't have children!" Actually, my friends were in their forties and so the vicar's prayer put very little pressure on them.
So, to wait or not to wait - that is the question. For some, the choice is not actually theirs, because for some reason best known to Him, the Lord may decide to withhold the gift of a child for some time. But otherwise the decision on whether or not a couple have a honeymoon baby can depend on factors such as:
Adjusting period - getting married is a big deal and there's a lot of teething that goes on in the first year of marriage. You might decide that it's best to settle down as a married couple first before bringing children into the mix.
Age - if you're a relatively young couple, you may want to wait a while before starting a family so that you can do things like travelling together before kids come along, and then be older and wiser for the parenting season of your lives. On the other hand, you might think that it's best to have children early so that you can be energetic enough to take care of them, be young enough to be able to relate to them better when they reach adolescence, and then still be young(ish) when the children have flown the nest.
If you're an older couple, you might think that time is against them and so may want to have children straight away.
Views on contraception - if you'd rather not use contraception until you've had your first child, or you don't believe contraception is right for you at all, then all things being equal, a baby will follow very shortly after your marriage. A lot of girls that I know, come out with grand plans of waiting for a certain number of years, without thinking practically about how they are going to achieve that. I mean, if you're not keen on hormonal contraception and using barrier contraception on your honeymoon doesn't tickle your fancy, if your wedding takes place during your peak conception period, sorry love, your mama's going to be a grandma sooner than you think! (a few young girls are bumped back down to reality when I break it down to them like that!)
Circumstance - in an ideal world, when you get married, you should be financially sound, but things happen, and perhaps financially having a baby straight after marriage isn't a good a idea. The same applies if you still need to settle down accommodation/location wise as a couple. Of course adverse conditions don't mean you should put having a family on hold - the Lord is faithful and will work things out - look at Mary and Joseph...
Children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5), but no one should feel under pressure about having children. As long as you PRAY and AGREE as a couple and ultimately hand your desires and plans over to the capable hands of God (Proverbs 3:5-7; Psalm 37:4), whenever you have children is perfect. There's no right or wrong.
I know you must be itching to find out...we had a honeymoon baby, which we were totally prepared for :-)
This was sent to me today and I thought it would be fun to share.
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.
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Here is my latest pregnancy vlog (hopefully the last one before baby comes!)
Happy Friday Everyone!
Back when I was seven or eight, I remember entering this competition at school. We were split into teams, where I was a team leader and we had to work together in groups to solve these puzzles in the fastest time.
The clock started I remember attempting to do all the puzzles myself. My other team mates were around me, but I recall not allowing them to do anything and wanting to do the whole thing myself.
Consequently our team lost the competition and my parents pulled me to one side afterwards to explain a few life lessons; namely around teamwork and delegation. They told me that we were in teams for a purpose and that if I had shared the tasks out and included everyone in the team, we would have had a more successful result. Equally as team leader it was my job delegate and not do everything myself. Completing the puzzle in itself was not wrong, but I was not effective on my own.
That lesson has stuck with me to this day.
Earlier this week I was studying my bible and came across the the story of Moses and Jethro in Exodus 18.
Jethro was visiting his son-in-law Moses and observed a few things. Day and night Moses would sit in a certain place and the Israelite people would present their cases to him for him to solve. This was obviously time consuming and was beginning to take its toll on Moses. Jethro noticed this and asked…
" Why are you the only judge? Why do you let these people crowd around you from morning till evening?"
15Moses answered, " Because they come here to find out what God wants them to do. 16They bring their complaints to me, and I make decisions on the basis of God's laws."
17Jethro replied: That isn't the best way to do it. 18You and the people who come to you will soon be worn out. The job is too much for one person; you can't do it alone. 19God will help you if you follow my advice. You should be the one to speak to God for the people, 20and you should teach them God's laws and show them what they must do to live right.
21You will need to appoint some competent leaders who respect God and are trustworthy and honest. Then put them over groups of ten, fifty, a hundred, and a thousand. 22These judges can handle the ordinary cases and bring the more difficult ones to you. Having them to share the load will make your work easier. 23This is the way God wants it done. You won't be under nearly as much stress, and everyone else will return home feeling satisfied.
24Moses followed Jethro's advice
What I like about this dialogue is that Jethro identified the problem, provided counsel to Moses and Moses listened and took his advice. Call it the first lesson in the art of delegation.
Being able to delegate is the sign of a good leader but also a wise person. Sometimes we may not see the need to delegate, but those around us who we respect will identify this and tell us.
The ability to trust others to complete the task in hand so that you can focus on the bigger picture is so important in being successful both in your personal and working life. Some people get this, some people don’t.
Delegation also requires humility. Moses could have got angry with Jethro’s suggestion, telling him that he was fine to continue as he is, but he put aside his pride and listened. He was able to let go and release authority to others, while still remaining in control and it didn’t make him any less of a leader. In fact it improved the situation no end.
I suspect that these first few weeks (even months) of motherhood will definitely require me to put aside my pride and allow others to help me. It will require me to listen to those around me who I trust when they tell me to slow down/take a break/not be too hard on myself (*delete as appropriate). It doesn’t mean I can’t do the task in hand but rather it makes sense to allow others to do it or take a step back.
Letting go and delegating…so important.
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