From Now Till 'I Do'...: March 2009

A rose by any other name...

Me: Say, hypothetically I wanted to keep my surname once we're married. What would you say?

Mr E: No

Me: Ok, just kidding.

One of the big changes marriage brings on your quest to 'becoming one', is the change of your name. Names are quite significant in the fact that they give you a sense of belonging and meaning. For example my first name means 'God's gift' and my surname 'son of Eagle'.

Some women debate about whether to take his name, keep theirs, take theirs and his etc. But for me it was never really a consideration and I'm looking forward to becoming Mrs E.

However I have had my name for the best part of 25 years and it will definelty be the end of an era. There are many fond memories attached to my name, right from school days when teachers couldn't pronounce it and there would be this awkward silence to now at work, where it is so unique that I have a special way I spell it and all my colleague know the song (my brother made it up)! Every name has a meaning which defines you.

I was researching and for the super organised amongst us, you can get your new passport in your married name up to three months before your wedding, so that its ready for when you go on your honeymoon and you can travel as Mr and Mrs.

How cool is that!

Post Wedding Vows

0 Things the people are saying

I found this on Weddingbee, one of my favourite wedding blogs. Think it's fab! Written by a new bride, she's reflecting on the whole wedding planning frustrations from planning to the day itself. Think it's fab!

I, {state your name}, hereby vow to never return a response card after the “respond by” date. If possible, I shall return the card immediately upon receipt of the invitation, knowing how fulfilling it is for the bride to be able to fill in “yes” or “no” next to my name on the Excel spreadsheet that she spent weeks refining. (One down…. two hundred twenty-seven to go!) If there is room on the card (front or back), I shall write a friendly note to the happy couple, letting them know how excited I/we am/are to attend, or how disappointed I/we am/are that we will not be there to celebrate with them. I will never,ever send back a response card with only a hasty X next to “will not attend” because it is likely to hurt someone’s feelings.

I hereby vow to make my hotel reservation (if necessary) as quickly as possible; I shall remember that the bride likely wants to provide welcome bags for her guests, and that she would like to know if she has to make 13 or 43 bags, preferably prior to the week before her wedding. I shall make her life just a tad bit easier by acting promptly so she knows that the time and energy she spent securing room blocks did not go to waste.

I hereby vow to never ask a bride in the weeks before her wedding if she is excited. She is likely very excited, but also extremely on edge, sleep-deprived and emotionally exhausted from juggling a million details. If I shall ask her anything, it will be “can I help you with anything?”

I hereby vow to refer to the couple’s wedding website before ever calling the bride and/or groom with any questions regarding their big day. If I still have unanswered questions, I shall only call or email the bride and/or groom as a last resort if no family member or member of the bridal party is able to answer my question.

I hereby vow to take a ceremony program, and continue to take it home with me. I shall not throw it out, fold it, or destroy it in any way. If, when the ceremony is over, I see that there are programs leftover and my husband has not taken one, I shall make sure he does, so the bride is not left with the guilt of creating/ordering too many programs that went to waste.

I hereby vow to sign the guest book, wish board, note for wish bowl, wine bottle, etc. I shall know that the bride and/or groom put a lot of time and thought into what kind of guest book to have, and they will be devastated if they go home with only a few messages.

I hereby vow to approach the bride and groom to say congratulations and have a moment to chat with them before they have to approach me. I shall remember that they have several — perhaps hundreds — of guests to visit with, and they want to be able to enjoy themselves during the celebration, as well. By approaching them myself early in the evening, I am ensuring that they will not feel guilty later that they did not have the chance to talk to me, nor will they have to put aside the time to talk to me later in the evening. I shall keep our chat brief as to not steal time away from other guests, but I will be relieving the bride and groom of any further obligation to talk to me.

I hereby vow to dance. That’s why there’s music.

I hereby vow to eat a piece of cake and tell the bride and groom how amazing it tasted (and how amazing it looked before they took a knife to it).

I hereby vow to stay until the very last song has played and the “ugly lights” have been turned on.

I hereby vow to tell the happy couple what an amazing time their wedding was the next time we see them (and perhaps even a few more times after that). Although it may seem like forever ago to me, it is still fresh in their minds and it means the world to them to continue hearing about what an amazing time they provided for their guests.

Engaged without a ring!

5 Things the people are saying

So I'm engaged but I'm not wearing an engagement ring.

This serves two purposes: it stops people asking questions and it starts people asking questions.

You see the ring is the first thing people look for when you tell them that you're engaged. It's as if to say 'Oh, you're engaged - prove it'.

Mr E proposed officially back in December and prior to that we had been talking about rings and I had decided to let him choose it. Just before Christmas, I was having a conversation with my parents about the upcoming engagement and my dad (out of the blue) said, that if he was proposing he couldn't do it with the ring as 'that is not how engagement works in our culture. Your engagement ring is presented to you at the engagement party in front of family, close friends and your spiritual leaders'. Que quick texts to Mr E: ABORT PLAN, ABORT PLAN!

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly disappointed by this but Dad had spoken, so that was how it was to be.

When I thought about how it would happen, I had always pictured this Hollywood style proposal like you see in the films and so wondered what Mr E would plan. I am not the easiest person to surprise (as Mr E knows) and I have a tendency to know what is going on before it is happens. However on this occasion he did his utmost to ensure that I was completely in the dark.

Over Christmas Mr E had his cousins come over to stay, so up until that point we hadn't really spent any one on one time together. That day, he told me that I would need to be ready for 6pm as he was taking me out. No guidance on dress code (now a girl needs a dress code!) except to 'just look nice'.

6pm came and we drove for about an hour arriving in Stratford Upon Avon. Now if you have never been to Stratford Upon Avon, it's a fantastic town – home of Mr Shakespeare, full of history (and great shops!). Mr E and I had dinner at a wonderful Thai Restaurant where we spent the evening talking about ‘the journey’ and reminiscing about the old times. We had just finished dinner and were waiting for our dessert to come. All of a sudden a particular song started to play in the restaurant, our song. Now because prior to this, the restaurant had been playing chilled out Thai music all evening, it should have been obvious something was up. Dumb as I was, I was like 'hey hun, that's our song!' and he was like 'oh, yes it is', being all coy.

The version below is our favourite version as sang by Leona Lewis 2007 X Factor winner, but the original is by Minnie Riperton.

The waitress brought over our dessert and then Mr E got up, took the box that was hidden in one of the dishes and got down on one knee. At this moment, I was mortified (in a good way!). It was a feeling of shocked happiness, realising what was happening but not quite believing it.

His words to me were (I only remember this, because he wrote it down for me after, in my wedding book):

'Darling, I have always known that there's one woman for every man, one Queen for every kingdom. From the moment you stole my heart, I have waited for this moment to say these words.

I love you, I love you with all my heart.

Will you marry me?'

I think my words back were 'yes, yes I will, you know I will'.

Now because I knew I wasn't getting a ring until said engagement party, I was slightly intrigued as to what was in his box. Mr E opened it and inside were a set of sapphire earrings. His words were, 'well I couldn't exactly propose without bringing something'.

They were beautiful - Mr E, you shouldn't have!