Then Comes Baby

So it’s been a week since Siobi entered our lives and what a week it has been. Thank you for all your  comments and emails of love and congrats. We were really touched.

As each day passes we are becoming more confident and comfortable in our abilities to take care of her. She has been feeding well and growing well (she put weight on at her recent midwife visit) and is such a peaceful little girl.

Having a third person around has been invaluable. I really don’t know how we would have coped this past week without my MIL being around. She has been a real blessing. My first meal home from hospital was pepper soup…yummy!

This past weekend we had family visiting and it was so amazing to see how much joy one little baby can bring. My siblings are all thrilled to be uncles and aunties for the first time and for my parents this is their first grandchild, so it is a huge milestone for them. Nevertheless even as grandchild number 4, Afam’s parents are over the moon too.

Labour was intense and completely different to how I planned or imagined, but the outcome was still the same and we were blessed with a beautiful daughter. I am slowly getting into a routine and hope to post about my labour experience and life as a momma very soon. In the meantime you will see a couple of guest posts thrown in here and there to keep the blog ticking over. And for those of you awaiting pictures… here is something to tide you over (Yes I am such a tease)!

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Today I have my lovely friend Modupe from Hepzibah Bride writing about having children and timing.

At our traditional engagement and wedding ceremony, our non-Nigerian friends were highly amused at the prayers and blessings pronounced over us that went something like 'Oh Lord, this time next year, bless them with the fruit of the womb!' Cue a resounding "AMEN!" Talk about pressure! And I am certain that there were auntie's that were sneaking looks at my middle in the months following to see if any growth was apparent.

Contrast that with the prayer of the vicar at a friends wedding - "Lord if they wish to have children..." Cue the the once closed eyes tight in fervent agreement flying open with shock and a stifled "ah ah, wetin' be the problem of this father, of course they want to have children now! God forbid bad thing that they won't have children!" Actually, my friends were in their forties and so the vicar's prayer put very little pressure on them.

So, to wait or not to wait - that is the question. For some, the choice is not actually theirs, because for some reason best known to Him, the Lord may decide to withhold the gift of a child for some time. But otherwise the decision on whether or not a couple have a honeymoon baby can depend on factors such as:

Adjusting period - getting married is a big deal and there's a lot of teething that goes on in the first year of marriage. You might decide that it's best to settle down as a married couple first before bringing children into the mix.

Age - if you're a relatively young couple, you may want to wait a while before starting a family so that you can do things like travelling together before kids come along, and then be older and wiser for the parenting season of your lives. On the other hand, you might think that it's best to have children early so that you can be energetic enough to take care of them, be young enough to be able to relate to them better when they reach adolescence, and then still be young(ish) when the children have flown the nest.

If you're an older couple, you might think that time is against them and so may want to have children straight away.

Views on contraception - if you'd rather not use contraception until you've had your first child, or you don't believe contraception is right for you at all, then all things being equal, a baby will follow very shortly after your marriage. A lot of girls that I know, come out with grand plans of waiting for a certain number of years, without thinking practically about how they are going to achieve that. I mean, if you're not keen on hormonal contraception and using barrier contraception on your honeymoon doesn't tickle your fancy, if your wedding takes place during your peak conception period, sorry love, your mama's going to be a grandma sooner than you think! (a few young girls are bumped back down to reality when I break it down to them like that!)

Circumstance - in an ideal world, when you get married, you should be financially sound, but things happen, and perhaps financially having a baby straight after marriage isn't a good a idea. The same applies if you still need to settle down accommodation/location wise as a couple. Of course adverse conditions don't mean you should put having a family on hold - the Lord is faithful and will work things out - look at Mary and Joseph...

Children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5), but no one should feel under pressure about having children. As long as you PRAY and AGREE as a couple and ultimately hand your desires and plans over to the capable hands of God (Proverbs 3:5-7; Psalm 37:4), whenever you have children is perfect. There's no right or wrong.

I know you must be itching to find out...we had a honeymoon baby, which we were totally prepared for :-)

I am a mummy!

With joy in our hearts and immense thanks to God we are pleased to welcome into the world our beautiful daughter Siobi.

Born yesterday at 9:07pm, she weighed 7lb 5oz.

Thank you for your prayers, love and support.

It is totally amazing and overwhelming at the same time. Details and pics to follow.

All three of us are doing good.

Total thanks to God!

The Middle Wife

This was sent to me today and I thought it would be fun to share.

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First,  Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my  Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop!  My  Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

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Here is my latest pregnancy vlog (hopefully the last one before baby comes!)

Happy Friday Everyone!

Solving the puzzle

Back when I was seven or eight, I remember entering this competition at school. We were split into teams, where I was a team leader and we had to work together in groups to solve these puzzles in the fastest time.

The clock started I remember attempting to do all the puzzles myself. My other team mates were around me, but I recall not allowing them to do anything and wanting to do the whole thing myself.

Consequently our team lost the competition and my parents pulled me to one side afterwards to explain a few life lessons; namely around teamwork and delegation.  They told me that we were in teams for a purpose and that if I had shared the tasks out and included everyone in the team, we would have had a more successful result. Equally as team leader it was my job delegate and not do everything myself. Completing the puzzle in itself was not wrong, but I was not effective on my own.

That lesson has stuck with me to this day.

Earlier this week I was studying my bible and came across the the story of Moses and Jethro in Exodus 18.

Jethro was visiting his son-in-law Moses and observed a few things. Day and night Moses would sit in a certain place and the Israelite people would present their cases to him for him to solve. This was obviously time consuming and was beginning to take its toll on Moses. Jethro noticed this and asked…

" Why are you the only judge? Why do you let these people crowd around you from morning till evening?"

¹⁵Moses answered, " Because they come here to find out what God wants them to do. ¹⁶They bring their complaints to me, and I make decisions on the basis of God's laws."

¹⁷Jethro replied: That isn't the best way to do it. ¹⁸You and the people who come to you will soon be worn out. The job is too much for one person; you can't do it alone. ¹⁹God will help you if you follow my advice. You should be the one to speak to God for the people, ²⁰and you should teach them God's laws and show them what they must do to live right.

²¹You will need to appoint some competent leaders who respect God and are trustworthy and honest. Then put them over groups of ten, fifty, a hundred, and a thousand. ²²These judges can handle the ordinary cases and bring the more difficult ones to you. Having them to share the load will make your work easier. ²³This is the way God wants it done. You won't be under nearly as much stress, and everyone else will return home feeling satisfied.

²⁴Moses followed Jethro's advice

What I like about this dialogue is that Jethro identified the problem, provided counsel to Moses and Moses listened and took his advice. Call it the first lesson in the art of delegation.

Being able to delegate is the sign of a good leader but also a wise person. Sometimes we may not see the need to delegate, but those around us who we respect will identify this and tell us.

The ability to trust others to complete the task in hand so that you can focus on the bigger picture is so important in being successful both in your personal and working life. Some people get this, some people don’t.

Delegation also requires humility. Moses could have got angry with Jethro’s suggestion, telling him that he was fine to continue as he is, but he put aside his pride and listened. He was able to let go and release authority to others, while still remaining in control and it didn’t make him any less of a leader. In fact it improved the situation no end. 

I suspect that these first few weeks (even months) of motherhood will definitely require me to put aside my pride and allow others to help me. It will require me to listen to those around me who I trust when they tell me to slow down/take a break/not be too hard on myself (*delete as appropriate). It doesn’t mean I can’t do the task in hand but rather it makes sense to allow others to do it or take a step back.

Letting go and delegating…so important.

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Baby E…the story so far

So it’s fair to say that I am getting a bit bored waiting around. Everyone is like enjoy this time…

Not feeling any signs so just getting on with house stuff and daily walks with mum. I suppose it’s nice not to have the ‘pressure’ of doing things, but it’s still that unknown of ‘when will it happen’.

I’m properly in nesting mode, having cleaned out my kitchen today and rearranged everything! I’m also going to attempt to make some hummus this afternoon, after having a craving for it and not really feeling like trekking to the shop for it.

Friends and family have been so generous the past few days, dropping off baby clothes and equipment for us. I’ve also sorted out my labour playlist for my ipod; a list of my favourite worship songs to listen to in hospital.

So anyways here’s the latest info…

• How Far Along? 39 weeks and 5 days
• Total Weight Gain/Loss: Dare I look at the scales anymore.
• Maternity Clothes? Yes. Live in my mothercare leggings – love them so much.
• Stretch Marks? Moving on.
• Sleep: Doing okay on this front. Although all my dreams are no longer weird vivid things but are all about labour. 
• Best Moment of the Week? Antenatal appointment and finding out baby is engaged.
• Miss Anything? Bending down. Lying on my back.
• Movement: Yes but baby E is getting pretty cramped in there for sure. Also she is now back to back, rather than front to back, so I getting lots of random body parts poking at my belly.
• Food Cravings: Cheese, sardine and jam. All on the same sandwich. Also these bad boys:



• Anything Making You Queasy or Sick? Nope fortunately.
• Gender Prediction: Still a girl.
• Labour Signs: Not really sure. Baby is engaged and have felt mild cramps but nothing more.
• Belly Button In or Out: Was an innie, now it’s just flat. 
• Wedding Rings On or Off: Have been fortunate, have not had to remove them yet.
• Happy or Moody Most of the Time? Depends. Generally happy but have moments of frustration!!!
• Looking Forward To: HAVING THIS BABY.

I can see the finish line!

Woohoo – hello week 39!

Not feeling any labour signs as of yet, at least I don’t think I am.

Below is my latest pregnancy vlog for weeks 37+38.

Can’t believe I’ve been recording these videos for the past 30 weeks. It was a completely new thing for me, one I had to step outside my comfort zone to do, but I’m happy that I’ve managed to continue making them to the finish line.

Some weeks have been harder than others, but it will be nice to have a record of my first pregnancy and see how I changed over the months. Also if baby girl ever wants to see details of her journey to the world, she can watch!

Just for laughs, look at the difference between my latest vlog…

and my very first at just a mere 7 weeks!

p.s. I’m thinking of doing a pregnancy q+a video, so if you have questions you would like answered, feel free to comment below and I’ll do my best to compile a video with answers.

The day I took a tumble

So yesterday I fell over.

I can’t even explain how it happened but I tripped and fell face/belly down into an empty Tube carriage. I wasn’t even in a rush or anything, but somehow I managed to catch my foot climbing into the carriage and fell.

I remember laying there. I remember pain. I remember crying.

I also remember this lovely old lady coming to help me and then her getting off the next available station to call my husband so that he could take me to A&E. #lackofphonesignalonthetubesucks

Thank God – baby is fine. I am just a little bruised up but will also be fine.

The devil is a liar.

I however will not be taking any more chances and have taken this as my cue to chill at home. No more unnecessary outings for me.

This journey is almost over (39 weeks tomorrow!) and what a great testimony of God’s love and faithfulness it has been.

In other news my MIL is here! Baby girl you can now make your appearance!

Peter Rabbit + the joy of reading

Alas! The first week of January is over! The snow never fell and the sun continues to shine on a daily basis. I love this unpredictable English winter! I think she knew my MIL was arriving soon and didn't want the adjustment from Nigerian temperatures to be too harsh!

So my favourite thing right now is my Kindle. I've had it a month or so and really love the flexibility it brings when it comes to reading. I've always been a bit of a bookworm and enjoy settling down with a good book. Before I discovered blogs I read a LOT of books to the point that when I was 11, I received an award at school for taking the most books out of the school library! I enjoyed nothing more than hanging out at the central library reading through the latest arrivals.

Fast forward to the generation of my 15 year old siblings and they often ask me, 'how did you do your homework without Google'. I laugh and respond by reminding them that there are places called libraries and books called encyclopaedias which took the place of the internet + Wikipedia back then (am I showing my age!). Either way I believe reading is an amazing and will always actively encourage it.

When I was a little girl my parents gave me with the Beatrix Potter story collection; the story of Peter Rabbit and his friends. I think there are 21 books in the full collection and they gave me the first 14. I loved reading those little books and cherished them. Recently I was tidying up and came across a bag where I stored childhood memorabilia and found all the books, still intact. Now that we're having children of our own, I plan to pass them down and hope they have the same enjoyment I had from them. Other favourite childhood authors of mine include Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl and Judy Blume.

One of the things I love about the Kindle is being able to download samples of a book, so that you can read the first chapter or so and see if you like it. Right now on my Kindle I am reading Love & Marriage by Emerson Eggerichs.  Last week I came across a book called 'Kingdom Parenting' by Myles Munroe. I downloaded the sample and really enjoyed it, so will look to purchase and read once I've finished Love + Respect.

What are you reading right now and what were your favourite childhood books?

First time experiences

I’m not going to lie to you, I am on watch.

Since reaching 37 weeks (38 tomorrow), every little ache, twitch or pain I feel now, I’m like ‘is this the start of labour’?

The thing about going through your first pregnancy is that you have no idea what to expect in any aspect. I am constantly texting my friends who have been through this before to get their advice and guidance because quite frankly I haven’t got a clue what is going to happen next or when. The whole aspect of the unknown is slightly scary. You just have no control. Whilst I know everyone’s experience is different, it’s nice to hear other people’s experiences. [Readers who have given birth – did you get any warning beforehand?]

Last week at our antenatal appointment, the midwife suspected that the baby was breech and wanted me to go for an urgent scan. At 37 weeks it the last thing you want to hear but off we went, praying that all would be well. Personally I wasn’t 100% convinced with her diagnosis given that all the kicks I had been feeling were at the top, but hey it is better to be safe, plus we get another opportunity to see our sweet little girl again. Thankfully the scan was fine and she was confirmed as cephalic (or ‘head down’ in layman’s language) and hubs and I could breath a sigh of relief.

Back to waiting.

As I get closer to our due date, the first question people always ask my husband is ‘has your wife gone into labour yet?’. Any time we call a family member, that is their first thought and we often have to spend the first 5-10 seconds reassuring them that nothing has happened yet and when it does they will be the first to know!

Physically I am feeling it. I have evenings when I just feel blah! When I just want my body back and the ability to turn in the night without it being an Olympic feat. I seriously have to psych myself up for those night turns. I know that once she is here, I will miss the self containment I have now, but it’s tough. The human body never ceases to amaze me. Now that I am no longer working my wardrobe consists of three items which are on constant rotation, due to the fact that they are the only comfortable items I own right now!

Hubby has been great throughout it all though. Reassuring me when I have my body image crisis meltdowns, giving me massages and foot rubs when I am tired, helping around the house, putting on my shoes lol! He has been a real trooper and I appreciate everything he is doing. I know he too is anxious to meet our little one, as this journey feels like it has been going on forever.

Second time round, I’m hoping the experience will be a whole lot more relaxing!

Looking into the new year

My husband doesn’t believe in New Year Resolutions. He believes if there is something you want to change about yourself, why wait until January 1st, just make the change there and then. In part I agree, but I do like the freshness a new year brings, an opportunity to start again and do things differently.

This year I take on a new role as a SAHM (stay at home mum), one that I am excited about. Within that it means managing the home, finances, meals, looking after our daughter etc. I have sort of being doing this anyway since we got married (minus the daughter part), but now I want to take it to the next level and become more organised with it.

For me 2012 is about being more disciplined and having consistency around what I do. Many times I start a project, do it for a couple of weeks and then move onto something else. This year I want to complete every project I start and for the things I am already doing, do them better.

Around the home, I want to become a better homemaker. I want to be more consistent in our menu and the food we eat. I am comfortable in our grocery buying routine and know what we use each month, but I don’t want to spend time worrying about what we’re going to eat today or tomorrow, but have it planned out. This will require me to spend time and work out a meal plan that works for our family and then stick to it. I also desire to learn new dishes as well. I have a sewing machine, which I rarely use but hope to see more of in 2012. We thank God for our home and I hope this year we can continue to open our doors to friends and family.

In terms of finances, I currently record every penny I spend. That took some time getting used to, but now it is a habit of mine. What it helps me do is reconcile all our expenditure and identify areas where we need to cut back or increase. This year, I want to establish our new budget for the year and stick to it, equally I want us to increase our savings for the future. We have other financials goals which we will look to work towards.

Parenthood is an interesting one. It is an unknown territory to me and I have no idea how it will turn out. What I do know is that it is our prayer to raise our daughter to firstly love God and have her own  personal relationship with Him,  secondly be a respectable member of society and thirdly be a virtuous woman. In order for her to know God and His love, as her mother I need to be able to display those virtues on a daily basis. All the things Christ calls us to be, I need to model in our home. I read somewhere that your children don’t listen to what you say, they watch what you do. So for me that is major. My lifestyle, behaviour, how I treat others including her father will all affect the way my daughter views the world.

Finally as a wife, I want to be able to support my husband more. Not only in areas where I think he needs help, but areas where he tells he needs the support. So often as wives we can do things to help our husbands with the best intentions but if it is not the thing your husband wants your help in, you can be wasting your time. I want to listen more and direct my time and energy to those areas which benefit my husband the most.

It’s a huge responsibility and I pray for God’s help in these areas.

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