The first year of marriage can be one of the most challenging and there are few things we have identified some survival tips to help you through. It’s not a definitive list, but they are things which have and continue to help us.
1. Keep God at the center. of your marriage. Pray together, but also ensure your own personal relationship with God is intact.
2. Communicate about anything and everything. Make time to talk to each about your marriage, what is working, what is not. Talk about your future, your hopes, dreams and desires. Nothing is too insignificant.
3. Build intimacy. This is not just about sex but about oneness and togetherness. It also does not end at the altar but is something that is worked out throughout your marriage. You need to invest the time.
4. Expectations… Don’t be surprised if they are not met. Even the most basic of expectations you might have, may not get met initially and you need to be prepared for that. Discuss with your spouse at the beginning of marriage what expectations you both have about marriage. Agree to compromise or accept things as they are. This is a great video on expectations.
5. Be ready (and expect) to face challenges. Face them together.
6. Conflict will happen, fact. You are two different people, with two viewpoints and perspectives. The key is to listen to each other and learn to resolve it in a way where both sides feel heard. Agree together the way forward.
7. Don’t try and change your spouse. Be the change and most often they will follow. Not always, but most times.
8. It’s not about you. Spend time focusing on your spouse and how you can bless/serve them. Pray for them daily.
9. Protect your new family from outsiders. People mean well, your family may mean well, but when push comes to shove, it’s the two of you who have to live your life together.
10. When the going gets tough, remember why you married each other and the foundation of your love!
Do you have any other tips for surviving the first year?
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I love these tips. Very simple and all very true.
ReplyDeleteI love these too... God bless you Mrs E. I would have given tips but as you know, I am not yet married. lol
ReplyDelete- LDP
can u explain expectations more r you saying u expect him to do certain things like clean the house andhe doesn't so dont come with any so you don get mad. i dont know what to expect but i have some..what should i do?
ReplyDeleteI agree with your points/tips...they all make sense...but I have something against the use of the word "survival/surviving"...makes it sound like the marriage is a war zone or battle field...lol.
ReplyDelete@afi - yeh it's a bit of that. I have added a few more lines to that point in order to explain it better.
ReplyDeleteIt's not so much leave at the door per se, but you have to discuss them with each other and acknowledge that some things may never happen.
I expected that my husband would be a DIY king, so would get annoyed when the little things around the house needed fixing and I would leave for him to do, but nothing would happen and I would have to fix. I soon learnt to accept that DIY is not his thing, but something I can do and be happy with. Equally he had expectations around how I ran our home (e.g. like his mother ran theirs), we had to discuss and agree that this was how things were going to work in our home.
They key is discussion, otherwise a lot of assumptions will be made and will lead to resentment.
@JustDoyin - lol get your point, but I believe that marriage can be a battlefield. Everyday you're fighting to protect your marriage against the things of this world that are trying to pull it down. In order to 'survive' you need to be prepared and a strong unit together.
ReplyDeleteIn addition there are times when things are good and your marriage is thriving and other times when you're fighting, going through trials and it is surviving.
From an 'unmarried' point of view, I think its the unrealistic expectations that lead to majority of the problems encountered later.
ReplyDeletemakes a lotta sense
ReplyDeleteI'll be sure to remember these tips....tx for sharing Mrs E :)
ReplyDelete