'Tis the season to retreat

Happy December Folks!

The holiday season is upon us and as we prepare to meet up with family and friends, exchange gifts and eat good food let us not forgot the true reason for the season, the birth of our Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ!

For me, December will be a month of wind down, taking time out to reflect on 2010 but also prepare for 2011. Being able to spend quality time with my husband as we celebrate our first Christmas together but also having a time to recharge my batteries from what has been a busy but joyful year and realign priorities.

Different things are evolving in my life at the moment and I want to give them my full attention, so on that note, I will be taking some time away from the blog to return next year.

This will be my last post of 2010 so from me to you, here's wishing you a wonderful Christmas, full of peace and love and a prosperous New Year too. May God bless you abundantly and grant you the desires of your heart.

Thank you all for being great readers and supporters of this blog.

See you in 2011!

Featured on (in)courage

Today I have the awesome privilege of having a post featured on (in)courage where I share our story about how God helped us during the events of last year.

Entitled ‘Holding On to Him’, hop over to take a look.

The Wonders of Internet Community

No reader question for this Friday but I did want to shout out about the wonders of the internet community. I have found it particularly useful in helping me find goods and services, especially when I'm unfamiliar with a new area.

A couple of weeks back I put out a tweet saying I was looking for a good hairdresser to do a weave. After having a nightmarish experience with another London based salon, I was apprehensive but desperately in need of someone good to use.

@lovetweets came back to me straight away, sending me the details of someone she uses, who happened to be to be near to me.

I went yesterday to get my hair done and I am so happy with the result AND the hairdresser. The lady was so nice and professional. I never tend to talk with hairdressers but I found myself easily relating with her and she was excellent in her skill. She didn't bring out the dreaded Lusters Pink Oil Lotion {always a sign of a dodgy salon} or force unnecessary products on me {also a sign of a 'questionable' salon}. And as she was finishing up she gave me real practical tips on how to take care of my hair. It so good when you meet a service provider that actually cares!

I often use Facebook as well to get advice on places to go, where to find things etc and that works quite well as well. I saved myself a journey to a not so great Suya joint thanks to Facebook! I also met some really great people offline, that I first met online, great ladies who have become good friends.

Yay for internet community!

Have you found anything useful recently on a recommendation from your internet community?

There's a lot to be thankful for!

So across the Atlantic our American brothers and sisters are getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving and I myself have been reflecting on the many things I am thankful to God for.

The Bible tells us to give thanks in all things.

Give thanks in the midst of happiness...
Give thanks in the midst of sorrow...
Give thanks in the midst of frustration...
Give thanks in the midst of joy...

At the beginning of this year, the Lord gave me a word..

'I am the LORD! There is nothing too difficult for me. I'll come back next
year at the time I promised, and Sarah will already have a son.' Genesis 18:14

The past 12 months have been a rollercoaster and in the midst of the highs and lows God has been there to hold our hands.

When we got married
When we applied for visas
When we relocated cities
When we changed jobs
When we went to Nigeria
When bills needed to be paid
When friends passed away

God has been there and I am thankful. We are thankful.

So today take a moment to give thanks and show God how much you appreciate Him.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Blog Housekeeping

Thank you all for your responses to last Monday’s tell me about yourself post. It was really touching to read about you, why you all come by the site and what you enjoy. I didn’t realise what an international audience we have!

Those of you who visit the actual site {not in your reader or email} may have noticed that there has been a bit of spring cleaning on the blog. I’ve spent a bit of time tidying up the tags so that you can find articles and posts better.

In the navigation headers at the top you will now see more categories…

In WEDDINGS you will find posts about…

My Wedding – all the posts about our wedding…the road to marriage!

Planning – the planning behind our wedding

DIY – the diy projects I undertook planning our wedding

Recaps – wedding reflections with pro pics

Real Weddings – featured real weddings

In MY HOME you will now find posts about…

God – sharing my journey as I learn more about God and his love for me

My Kitchen – all my cooking adventures!

My Life - personal stories relating to me and my husband

Marriage – what we’re learning about marriage and what we can share

Homemaking – practically learning to ‘build my home’

In TOP PICKS you will now find posts about…

Womanhood – becoming the women God wants us to be

Relationships – whether you’re single, dating, courting or married this is about building solid foundations

Weekly Word – specific lessons I’m learning from God’s word and how we can apply them to life

Guest Posts – lovely posts from my fellow bloggers, who cover when I am away

Reader Q&A – your questions to me which I try to answer on Fridays. Send in your question!

Hopefully, this should now help you catch up on some of the older stuff and find related posts.

Happy Reading!

Getting crafty at home

Back in August I signed up for an online sewing course called 'Home Ec’. Basically for $60, three ladies hosted an interactive site to teach you how to sew. The site is live for one year and there are loads of tutorials from curtains to cushions, bags to dresses.

After seeing the talent displayed by Joy with my wedding bolero and the skills possessed by Obi who made my bridesmaid dresses, I became hooked. Imagine if I could make my own items!

I've always admired people who have creative skills especially those who can sew. Maggie Whitely over at Gussy Sews, taught herself how to sew and now has a thriving business. Jessica over at From Marriage to Motherhood, designed cute head wear for her daughter and now sells her designs in her Etsy store.

I remember watching my mother sew when I was younger. She had this old Singer machine which she would use to knock together outfits. Sometimes she would let me use it, testing my hand-foot coordination on scraps of material. Memories!

The Proverbs 31 women was a crafty lady..

She spins her own cloth, and she helps the
poor and the needy.
Her family has warm clothing and so she
doesn't worry when it snows.
She does her own sewing and
everything she wears is beautiful.

My goal is to be able to move from doing simple alternations with a needle and thread to sewing my own clothes and soft furnishings for our home {e.g. curtains and cushions} as well as being able to make outfits for our children when they come along.

Are you crafty? Do you sew? Any recommendations for a good sewing machine?

Reader Question: Sex + Courtship

Making it to the altar without crossing certain lines is the desire of every couple in courtship, but it is not easy. So when the following email came in from Niki I thought it was really important to address the issue.

I would like to know how whilst courting Mr E were you able to fight sexual temptation. Was temptation even there, if yes was it ever discussed between the two of you? What were some of the practical steps you used to fight it? Was the wait worth it? And what advice can you give to those choosing to practise celibacy? Thanks

Niki many thanks for your email.

In answer to your first couple of questions, yes temptation was there and yes with God’s grace we were able to fight it. I’m not saying this in a ‘yes were are so holy’ kind of way but yes in that we acknowledged temptation is very real and we actively took steps to prepare ourselves for it.

temp·ta·tion [temp-tey-shun] –noun

The desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid

We all face temptation but often we don’t do anything to prepare ourselves for it. In courtship you’re in this situation where you’re with the person God has called you to be with, each day you are getting to know them better and you’re falling deeper in love with each other. You are going to get married anyway, so what’s the big deal about having sex before saying ‘I do’, right? Err wrong!

In 2 Chronicles 12:14 we are told about Rehoboam, the king of Judah and the son of Solomon who ‘did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the LORD’. He was not ready for the attack of the enemy and as a result lost the fight. Preparation is key people!

Talk about it

In a relationship it’s important to be practical, acknowledge that there will be temptation and talk about how to handle it. At the very beginning of our courtship my husband and I had a very open and honest discussion about boundaries. What did we feel was right, what was wrong but ultimately what did the Bible say about it all. We agreed the lines and prayed that God would help us not to cross them.

What we set as boundaries for our relationship might be different to someone else but the ultimate aim is the same - no sex before marriage. By doing this it took away any pressure of ‘what-if situations’ and allowed us to focus on the relationship, getting to know each other better and preparing ourselves for what lied ahead.

Remember the triangle and focus on developing the marriage

Keeping God at the centre of your relationship, reading the word together, praying together makes it a lot harder to fall into compromising situations. During our courtship my husband and I prayed and studied the Bible together on a regular basis. We also listened to talks and read various books {see my sidebar} on marriage.

We quickly began to realise that the closer we came to God the more the Holy Spirit strengthened us and gave us the power to overcome sexual temptation. I would encourage you to develop your walk with God first and foremost as an individual and then as a couple.

This brings me onto a very important point. All of this can only happen if you’re in a relationship where both of you uphold the same Christian values. The Bible highlights the importance of not being unequally yoked.

Remain accountable

Having a level of accountability in any relationship really helps. Someone who prays with you, supports you and encourages you throughout the journey. This person needs to be someone who is older, more spiritually mature and is able to ask those questions! We had a really great discipler who ensured that we weren’t getting up to any hanky panky!

I believe that sexual temptation can be overcome if the right steps are taken in good time. Have a plan before it’s too late. Continue to pray and ask God for His grace to help you.

If you’re single the same applies. Have principles that influence the way you live and the decisions you make. Joseph {of Technicolor coat fame} was a young man who refused to comprise his principles by not sleeping with his bosses’ wife even if it meant getting thrown in jail. Don’t waste your single days wondering when it will all happen, but rather focus on developing your walk with God, hang out with your other Christian friends and work on becoming the person God has destined you to be.

Remember…

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)

And YES, the wait is so worth it!

Further Reading…

Why Wait for Sex? Focus on the Family

Marry Sooner Than Later Boundless

Marry for Sex Boundless

Samson and Delilah: What we can learn

There are some bible stories that you always remember: Noah's Ark, feeding of the five thousand, Jesus turning water into wine. One of my childhood favourites is the story of Samson and Delilah.

You can read the full account in Judges 13 -16 but the summary of the story is that Samson was a man who's life was dedicated to God from birth. The Lord blessed him with this incredible strength which he was to use to rescue Israel from the Philistines. Many tried to attack and kill him but whenever they came, the power of the Lord would come over him and he would defeat them.

The secret to Samson's strength was through his hair and he had a covenant with God never to cut it. Samson met a woman called Delilah who secretly wanted to find out this secret in order to trick him and allow him to be captured by the Philistines. She asked and asked and Samson gave her different reasons to his strength, until the end he could not take the nagging no more and told her the reason. In his sleep she cut off his hair and arranged for him to be captured once he woke up. Through his poor judgement and bad decisions Samson lost his power and damaged his relationship with God.

There are many things we can learn from the life of Samson.

Don't forget where it came from.

Samson's strength came from the Lord. Several times in the scripture we read that he used this power to get him out of tricky situations and without any credit as to where it came from (16: 1-3).

God blesses us with many skills, gifts and talents. If we become successful using our God-given gifts we should not forget where they came from or the moral purpose that directs the use of those gifts. Notice what happened when Samson forgot (16:20-21). We must always remember and thank God because all our gifts and abilities come from Him.

Don't believe the lies

Samson was deceived because he desired to believe Delilah's lies. Although he could strangle a lion, he could not smother his burning lust and see Delilah for what she really was.

How can you keep your desire for love and sexual pleasure from deceiving you into believing a lie: (1) You need to decide what kind of qualities you will love before passion takes over. Determine whether a person's character and faithfulness to God are as desirable as his or her physical appearance. (2) Since most of the time you spend with your spouse will not involve sex, your companion's personality, temperament, attitude and commitment to solve problems must be as gratifying as his or her kisses. (3) Be willing to exercise patience. The second observation often reveals what is beneath the pleasant appearance and attentive touch.

If you think you love someone, but the first qualities you describe are their physical qualities, you probably don't really love them in a Godly way. Lust and love are two very different things. Loving someone involves unselfish sacrifice and genuinely caring about their needs.

Delilah kept asking Samson for the secret of his strength until he finally grew tired of hearing her nagging and gave in. What a pitiful excuse for disobedience. Don't allow anyone, no matter how attractive or persuasive, to talk you into doing wrong.*

We don't fall into sin...we walk into it

When we backslide it doesn’t happen overnight. It is as a result of a series of compromises and progressively yielding to temptation. We are given many warnings but often choose to ignore them.

Delilah was a deceitful woman and four times she took advantage of Samson. Now for him not have seen this, he was clearly blinded by lust. As the saying goes 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame me'. 

It is all to easy to be deceived by the 'sweet' words of flattery and give in to temptation and false belief leading to things getting compromised. It starts small, you allow your boyfriend to go one step further than he should and before you know it you’re in a situation that you didn’t plan. I'm sure Samson believed Delilah loved him but it is clear to see by her actions that this was not the case. Avoid falling prey to deceit by asking God to help you discern between deception and truth (good and evil, right and wrong).

Sometimes we don't realise it's gone until it's too late

Samson’s relationship with God had deteriorated so much that by the time he was captured by the Philistines, he had already lost the presence of God necessary to deliver him. (v20). By the time he realised this it was too late. Do not let the devil fool you into thinking that no matter how you live your life, God will always deliver you from that situation.

God allowed the Philistines to capture Samson, because ultimately he took God’s presence for granted. Everything he ever needed God would have provided for him but instead he chose to lay himself in the deceiving hands of Delilah and lost everything.

We need to be careful not place our lives into the wrong hands.

Let our true security come from God and the promises of His word.

*Source: Jesus Christ Saves Ministries

Dear Reader...Please tell me about yourself!

Sometimes Mr E and I wonder who reads this blog. Who are you? What is your background? How did you find the blog?

I get lovely comments and emails from readers and it heartwarming to get a small insight into your lives knowing that you have taken the time to post a response or ask a question.

I originally started this blog back in Feb 2009 when I was right at the beginning of the wedding planning process. Only a handful of people read it back then {mainly my best friend and Mr E!} and I used to flick between being a private blog or open forum. I have learnt some much through this blogging experience, meeting some amazing people along the way and as a result this blog has evolved to what it is today. A place where we not only talk about weddings, but relationships, marriage, positive womanhood and God.

I love hearing from my readers and it's especially nice meeting people and they tell me they read the blog and are blessed - it's a real encouragement to me. So even though our wedding has come and gone, 'From Now Till I Do' is here to stay and I will continue to blog for as long as God gives me the grace and inspiration to do so.

In the spirit of community I would love to get to know you, my reader better...so in comments, please tell me:

What's your name? {Real or pseudonym}
Where in the world do you read the blog from?
Why do you read this blog?
Are you single, engaged, planning a wedding, married etc?
What do you enjoy reading about and what keeps you coming back?
What would you like to see more of?

If you've never commented before, now is your chance. Go on...please don't be shy! {Facebook readers come join in as well!}

For those of you new to the blog, welcome! You can stay updated on new posts by subscribing through your email or RSS.

Thank you for reading - I appreciate each and every one of you!

Reader Question: Keeping The Wedding Costs Down

I love receiving mail from my readers and I recently got a lovely email from my reader, Kunbi who is getting married….

I've been a keen visitor of your blog and I love it...always advertising to friends. I'm engaged and my fiancé & I have started planning our wedding. I know you said you were going to write stuff about wedding but could you talk about finances as I know nothing about what to save towards. Could you give estimates? e.g if i want a wedding for 300 people in UK, what should we be aiming for? or how can I find out. Many thanks and I pray God continues to bless your marriage. AMEN

Firstly congratulations on your up coming wedding! One thing to know is that every wedding is different. Some people have got married with £2k and some have spent £20k. It all depends on your budget and how much you are prepared to spend.

Everyone tells you to sit down and work out your budget first but this can be really difficult if you don’t know how much things cost. We had over 500 people at our wedding and didn’t have a first clue about how much a wedding of this size would come to.

The first thing I did was download a budget planner {Wedding Chaos has a Wedding Budget template you can use}, this was so that I could identify the areas where we would need to spend money for the wedding. I then began to do research about the costs of different things using the internet, making calls and speaking to other brides and newlyweds. Once this was done we were able to compile our budget. We then compared this to funds available and tailored it accordingly.

Breaking it Down

The biggest expense you will face on your big day is your venue and/or food/drink. They typically come to around 40-50% of your budget. As your venue is central to proceedings if you can find an affordable venue, it will really help with your overall budget. I know people who got married in their local church and had their reception there has well, as they had a big hall. Cost – zero as it is their home church, so it really depends on your circumstances.

After that you will have things like your attire and photographer which again their prices will depend on what you go for.

It’s hard to provide estimates for things because price is reflective on what you go for and where you live {London is far more expensive than Manchester say} but I can give you some tips which helped us. One of the best pieces of advice given to us was, was that we should come up with a list of things that are non-negotiable. These are things which you must have/include in the wedding. The reason for this is that when it comes to having to make choices about particular things you know how far to budge. If it is a non-negotiable then you fight for it, if not you can let it go. Also remember that nothing is yours until you put down your deposit as in most cases this confirms your booking.

Another thing is about expectations and comparisons. Every wedding is different. Every bride and groom are different. It can be very easy to get sucked into a Wedding Industrial Complex and start to feel like you must have ‘x’ or ‘y’ because you have seen on The Knot or Martha Stewart weddings. Those places are great sources of inspiration, but that is what they should be…inspiration. If you’re starting to feel that your wedding won’t match up or is inadequate, requiring you to spend more money than planned, stop reading those magazines and blogs because your wedding is about creating the day unique to you and your fiancé.

So without further ado here are my tips on ways to save money planning your wedding:

1. Design your own wedding stationery or get someone who can*. It definitely saves you money when you have a lot of guests. I designed all our wedding stationery from 'save the dates', invites, wedding programme and thank you cards and my dad printed them all. If you have design skills definitely have a go, buy some card and print yourself. Ghenet over at teneleventen created her invites and they looked amazing.

2. Utilise the internet. You can get some great deals on everything using the internet. Ebay is especially good for things (picked up coloured envelopes really cheaply on there) as well as sites from overseas if you have enough time to wait for the items to come.

3. Don't forget the obvious places. We got some fantastic items from Ikea as well as local thrift stores. My wedding planner was very financially savvy and picked up some great bargains that we use to decorate the hall.

4. Negotiate with your vendors. My husband and I agreed that whatever price a vendor gave us, that would be our starting point to work down.  This was not because we did not value their service, far from it. We had a budget which we wanted to stay within but valued the skills of certain individuals and wanted to work with them. In those cases we strip things away from the original package quoted in order to keep the price down. For our photographs for instance we just booked Jide to shoot our wedding and provide the photos on a disc rather than the whole album package which we can always do at a later date.

5. People are very talented. People will offer their help, accept it. Our cake was made for free, our DJ was free. Our wedding rings were a gift and our Videographer was free. You might have friends who are skilled in certain areas, don’t be afraid to accept their help.

6. Cut out the un-neccessaries that don't matter to you. Focus on the things that are important to you as a couple. For us that meant not using real napkins, real flowers or having boutonnieres for the men.

7. Skips the favours. Controversial? Maybe. Save you money? Definitely. If you can avoid to give out favours great if you can’t it won’t take anything away from your wedding. We didn’t have favours but we did give gifts to the people who bought the ase-obi.

8. Look out for deals. I was browsing Gumtree one day and saw an advert from a video company who were advising for couples getting married in the next month. They normally shoot documentaries but were now looking to move into weddings. In exchange for being used in their promotional material (e.g. Website) they would shoot the wedding for free. Slaters where we hired the suits for the men had an offer that if you hire so many suits they give you one free. That helped bring the overall cost of the suits down.

9. Be prepared to think outside the box, especially when it comes to venues. Had our numbers been smaller like yours, our choice of affordable venues would have dramatically increased. We discovered that a lot of schools and Universities have fantastic great halls at affordable prices. Speak to them about what they can offer and be prepared to be visionary and think about how you can transform the place.

10. Use your own caterers. One venue we saw which was available for our date wouldn’t let us use our own caterers and wanted to charge £55 a head to make their version of Nigerian food! Even after hosting a Nigerian wedding recently and receiving poor reports about the quality and authenticity of the food, they still refused to allow us to bring our own food. So we said goodbye to them. This will definitely save you money than going thorough your venue and you can control the menu.

11. For decoration be creative. Visit craft stores for inspiration. Hobbycraft is very good for this.

12. You don't have to purchase all you bridal accessories from the same store. Feel free to tap up Etsy where there are lots of creative people who make great items. My bolero was made by the lovely Joy Kelley of ‘How Joyful’ who has her own blog and Etsy shop. Don’t be afraid to buy things from overseas (point 2) as the exchange rate can work in your favour.

13. If you have time, purchase wedding items as and when you see them rather than the last few weeks before the wedding as you can grab some bargain in the sales.

14. Get married in your local church {or the local church of a close relative} as they won’t charge you or charge you as much.

16. Bridesmaid dresses: You can either get your girls to purchase an outfit from the high street {my friend Mel got a great bargain on Coast dresses as she bought them off season} OR buy some fabric you like and get a seamstress to make them for you. Either way it works out much more cost effective. If you need a good tailor in Manchester, drop me a line.

17. Make use of the great technology around. We hosted our wedding on mywedding.com and with that we were able to set up online RSVP which gave people the opportunity to respond to us quickly. We used wufoo to collate everyone’s full names and addresses {you can also do the same using Google Docs). Both of these things didn’t cost anything and as they say time is money, so anywhere you can save yourself time is also of benefit to you.

Hope this helps Kunbi!

Useful Links

Money Saving Expert

Frugal Bride

Confetti

I’m sure other people have great money saving tips for weddings, please feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.

If you have your own wedding or relationship questions, please drop me a line.

* Happy to provide any assistance in this area. Please get in touch.

{Picture source from here and Jide Alakija}

Birthday Weekend

So Mr E turned 30 last Friday and I set up a whole weekend of fun for him to celebrate.

I took the day off work and woke up early to decorate the flat. There was no doubt it was his birthday when he woke up to balloons and ‘Happy 30th Birthday’ signs all over the place!

That evening we went out for dinner at the Malmaison in London. Very posh place and it was nice to get dressed up and go out.

On Saturday we had tickets to go and see Manchester United play at Old Trafford {which was a childhood dream of his} but unfortunately our train to Manchester broke down and we ended up missing the game, which we were gutted about!

We finally arrived in a very cold Manchester and met up with family and friends to have a celebratory birthday meal together.

 

We had a great dinner at Beluga Manchester and it was so nice to catch up with people, some of whom we hadn't seen since the wedding!

On Sunday we went to pick up our new car! We have been praying and trusting God to provide/direct us in the area of a car and He has a wonderful way of answering prayers. He has blessed us with a great car that is within budget and suits our needs perfectly!

All in all a great weekend!

Happy Birthday my love! Till next year.

     

In My Kitchen: Make Your Own Suya

A couple of weeks back, Mr E was having crazing for Suya and we were about to make a journey into London to go and find some. I asked for some feedback on a place I had heard about {Facebook is great for this} and the general consensus was that it wasn't all that great.

For the people who had tried Suya in Nigeria {us included} they really didn't rate the place, so rather than us go all the way to the place and be disappointed, I decided to find a recipe to adapt and figure this thing out. Surely it can't be that hard!!!

The great thing is for those of you who would like to make your own Suya, it is so easy to do.

Below I have put down the steps I used and it turned out really good.

Ingredients:

Meat {preferably beef}. I used beef strips which I normally use for stir fry. They were already pre-cut into the right size. You can use any

For the marinade:

• 3 teaspoons of finely ground roasted peanuts {I was surprised about this but it is an essential ingredient unless you're allergic to peanuts! I used ground nut we brought back from Nigeria.}

• 2 teaspoons cayenne pepper or red pepper, or red pepper flakes

• 1 teaspoon paprika

• 1 teaspoon salt

• ½ teaspoon garlic powder

• ½ teaspoon black pepper*

• ½ teaspoon jerk seasoning*

• 1 teaspoon chilli power*

*my personal preference – you do not need to include.

Above is the ratio of spices I used. I had to make some more as it wasn't enough to coat all the meat I had and you need some of the spices left to sprinkle on the Suya once its cooked.

Steps:

1. Grind the peanuts. You can use a rolling pin or food processor. Try not to grind it too much other wise you will end up with a peanut paste which is not what you want. If you find the peanut to be too oily, place between kitchen towel paper to absorb the excess oil.

2. Mix in the other spices with the peanut powder.

3. Take your meat and dip and roll in the peanut-spice mix, making sure the meat is completely coated.

4. Allow meat to marinate for thirty minutes or more.

5. At this stage depending on the size of the meat you can place them on skewers. I didn't have any so just cooked the meat on an oven tray at 400 degrees for 20-30 mins. Remember to pre-heat the oven. You can also cook the meat on a barbeque if you prefer.

6. Once cooked, chop one onion {red is better} and sprinkle on top.

7. Serve and Enjoy!

Have a go and feel free to add other spices that you like to tailor the taste. {If you want it more spicy add more cayenne pepper, less so substitute with paprika.}

Let me know how you get on!

Happy Birthday Mr E!

Today is Mr E's birthday.

A milestone age.

We give God all the glory and thanks because He has done so much in Mr E's life. So much in our lives.

This time last year we were in a very different place, but God restored everything back to us and has blessed us so much more.

Happy Birthday my dear husband. I thank God for your life. I thank Him for bring you into my life and for choosing me to be your wife. You are a wonderful husband and I love and cherish you so much.

Looking forward to what the future holds ahead.

Mrs E x

Learning To Love My Kitchen

My mum came to visit us the weekend and it was wonderful.

I haven't spent time with my mum properly in a long time and it was nice to talk and catch up. She gave myself and Mr E lots of great advice about marriage, communication and dealing with conflict and we were so blessed to have her with us.

On Saturday we spent a bit of time in the kitchen where she showed my how to make moin moin and ogbono soup! She also talked me through other meals and preparation of meat and fish {which freaks me out!}. We have been eating very since she left!

I'm pleased to be able to add two more dishes {actually make that three if you include the Suya I made last weekend} to my list of meals I can cook. It's funny because if I met up with the Chichi of 18 months ago, she certainly wouldn't be loving the kitchen as much as I do now. I especially love baking and managed to also squeeze out a cake on Saturday as well.

 

 

Yummy Suya!

I have noticed my relationship with my kitchen has grown a lot over the past few months. I'm always on the look out for good recipes whether in magazines or online so I can add variety to our meal times and I genuinely enjoy cooking.

Kemi posted a fantastic recipe for Jamaican Curry Goat which I will be trying out very soon and I had this Potato Gratin at my friend Moyo's house and it was AMAZING.

Where do you find your recipes from and do you enjoy spending time in the kitchen?

20 Things I Learnt Planning My Wedding

 

I hope you enjoyed Reflections.

It's been a pleasure to take you on the journey that was our wedding.

Planning our wedding was one of the most challenging but growing experiences I have ever been through. I quickly learned that whilst your wedding is about you, the day is not. It is shared by so many people who have their own expectations of how they think things should be and while it can be incredibly frustrating, you just learn to accept it. Despite the frustrations, I learnt a lot and would like to share 20 of those things with you.

In no particular order...

1. It's all about the baby family. This is your first project together, working as a team. You will have to make decisions that are a reflection of you and are based on your values and opinions. Not your mother's or your fathers. You have to be courageous and make choices for your family, your new family. It’s not about taking sides but understanding the importance of your upcoming union together.

2. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate. Don’t be a control freak {like moi} and let people help you!

3. Don't break the bank. Negotiate, call in favours. Forgo certain things that you don't deem necessary.

4. Trust your instincts. You know yourselves better than anyone. Not Cosmo Bride or Martha Stewart Weddings. If it don't feel right, leave it out.

5. Communicate. With yourselves, with your parents, with your vendors. So important.

6. Make sure you have a honeymoon. Even if it is a few days locked up in a hotel away from it all, you will need that time together. You deserve that time together. {More on that in a future post!}

7. Organise your thank you cards before hand. We still have not sent ours and I feel B-A-D! {Edit – Following this post on APW, they have now been ordered and will be sent out very soon!}

8. Don't kill yourself trying to be something your not. Don't like flowers? Don't have them. Don't want your bridesmaids in matching outfits, let them reflect their own style. You make the rules.

9 Stay off the biscuits. You want your dress to fit, right? {I'm really talking to myself there}. 20 mins on a cross trainer is the equivalent of one kit-kat stick. So. Not. Worth. It.

10. Don't forget your other family. Embrace your in-laws. Make efforts to build a relationship with them, especially your mother in law.

11. Put things in writing. Having evidence is always good {especially when dealing with vendors}.

12. Surround yourself with the right people. Positive, prayerful and kind people. Stay away from the haters. In fact don't even listen to them or let them into your space.

13. When you've had your 25th argument over seating arrangements or what things to keep/scrap remember it will be over soon. This is the road to marriage, people. Once you say 'I do', you are also saying 'bye, bye' to all the craziness.

14. Order your rings in advance. We did not realise that jewellers do not stock every ring size and had a mad dash the week before the wedding trying to sort out our rings. Funny thinking about it now. Not funny then.

15. Get yourself some counselling. Pre-marital counselling is ace. Not only is it good to talk about things together, but it is necessary in ensuring that you're both on the same page. Your church might do it. An older, wiser couple might do it. But definitely get yourself some because beneath all the glitz and glamour of the wedding, the marriage comes first.

16. Get stuff done when you can. Have a free afternoon one Wednesday, crack open one of your DIY projects. Otherwise you will end up 3 days to your wedding, with a million and one things not started, which you were certain you would have time for, but then life got in the way!

17. Realise that weddings do things to people. Even people you think should care about you and be on your side can let you down in a BIG way. Try not to let it take over your life. Remember the end game. Forgive and move on with your life.

18. People don't and won't notice the detail you do.

19. Remember your spouse. It's their wedding too! Take time out together throughout the craziness to remind each other why you’re doing this!

20. Finally and most importantly, commit everything to God in prayer. That fact that you made it to the altar in one piece is no mean feat. Marriage is God's creation and the devil hates it. He will try and do whatever in his power to stop it happening. Need examples...Mr E and I can give you plenty!!!

When all is said and done, marriage is a gift from God and it is wonderful. While for us, the wedding day is a distant memory, married life gets better every day!

Have a great weekend!

Friendships and Marriage...A Follow Up

One of my readers, Ebony left an interesting comment last week in response to my post on 'Friendship and Marriage' and rather than respond back in comments, I thought it would be good to share my response with you all.

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Firstly Ebony thank you for your comment and for referring me back to an excellent Boundless article. I completely agree with Suzanne and Melissa's points and believe that married and single women should interact.

The angle of my post, {which may not have come across as effectively as I would have liked}, is that I have realised that relationship dynamics have changed since entering this new chapter of life. I love my friends, all of whom are at different life stages to me and it is those differences which should be celebrated.

Since getting married many things have changed for me and with wisdom, I am learning how to juggle them all. What it definitely doesn't mean is that my friendships are no longer important or valid, rather that I need to discern how best to 'manage' them going forward. I too want to know how best to relate and encourage my single friends as Suzanne also states.

I firmly believe that people do not become friends due to status but more for the fact that they click, share similar interests/values and get along. This should not change after marriage, if it is a true friendship and the Bible actively encourages the younger women to learn from the older ones {Titus 2}. This can be taken literally but also figuratively.

We should share experiences and share perspectives, as this not only enriches our lives but provides depth to our relationships.

I hope this response gives you better insight into my heart and where I was coming from.

Every blessing.

The Importance of the Honeymoon

So I'll let you in on a little secret...we haven't had our honeymoon yet.

Yes we went to Nigeria after the wedding but it wasn't really a honeymoon in the true sense of the word. We had a fantastic trip visiting family and friends and it was a wonderful experience for me to go back to the Homeland after such a long time but it was HECTIC! We didn't really get any alone time together and when we got back to the UK we felt even more exhausted than when we left!

After our wedding we barely had three days together before my husband had to return to work and those three days were spent running around sorting out post wedding tasks. We also still had family and guests from out of town still about and we both felt that we needed to make the effort to see and spend time with them. So this little wedding perk had to be postponed. I won't lie, it was disappointing and very frustrating.

I wanted to be with my new husband, spend time with him. I missed him. I wanted to wind down from the wedding madness...together. I wanted to catch my thoughts and reminisce...together. Alas it wasn't meant to be but hey, such is life and I've gotten over it now.

Recently we have been talking about how when life gets busy you need to take that time out to re-focus on the relationship, to re-connect. Life has been really busy as of late and the thought of taking some sort of honeymoon really appeals.

We have been talking about getting away, trying to figure out where to go and for how long because on reflection we realise that quality time together is so important to your marriage. Whether you start to take it just after the wedding or in the months ahead, your marriage will always see the benefits.

Honeymoons {or mini-moons as my friend Mel calls hers} can be taken any time and are vital because...

1. You get some quality time together, away from family, friends, work, internet, phones and life.

2. You have an opportunity to recharge your batteries physically, emotionally and spiritually.

3. You get a chance to reflect on the amazing thing that happened. You. Got. Married !!!

4. You can put your feet up and literally not have to worry about the routines of life {can anyone say 'room service'!}.

If you're like us and haven't had your honeymoon yet, please try and make the effort to have that time away. {We're certainly making steps to do so}. It's not about having a flash, expensive holiday but about committing to spending some quality alone time together. If you have children, I believe this applies even more so and would definitely be the time to call in those babysitting favours!

What other benefits are there of taking a honeymoon?

Reflections…Daytime weddings rock!

So you all remember the Great Venue Hunt of 2010. Well we found our venue and I promised to reveal all after the wedding.

So here it is…Usmania Banqueting Hall in Manchester. It was a race against the clock to get the place ready in time as they were still renovating when we booked them. However the owners came through and were a delight to work with. We had all day access to the venue, which gave us enough time to set up etc.

In terms of decor we kept it very simple as the hall had a lot of character on its own. Our main colour was purple, which was highlighted in the table runners, centre pieces and napkins. Originally I decided against chair covers as the cost wasn’t worth it, but at the 11th hour we struck a deal with the owner and were able to get the chair covers included at a very reduced price…score!!!

As we were the first event at the venue, everything we were using was brand new, so basically the owners said you can have everything but you will need to iron anything you’re not happy with. We didn’t think anything of this until we arrived at the venue three days before and realised that all 50 table clothes needed to be ironed.  Cue our wonderful family and friends who went to the venue every evening to iron the table clothes for us. Indebted…yes we were! Thank you guys from the bottom of our hearts!

The High Table…

Dancing in…

  

Food time…

The food was so tasty. {I had been off carbs the four weeks prior, so eating rice for the first time in ages was heaven!}

We had a ‘double’ bouquet toss! i.e. I threw it twice, so the Videographer could capture it as he missed it the first time. 

  

Lucky catcher and now ‘bride to be' Dele who is getting married very soon!

 

End of the ‘night’ group shot with the younger guests who stayed long after we had gone! 

Tip: If you’ve never considered a daytime wedding, definitely give it some thought. You get to leave your wedding around 6pm/7pm and still have the evening ahead of you to spend and chill with your new husband!

Happy Monday!

Four

So its been four months of marriage and here is what have I learnt so far...

1. Appreciation. I love my husband dearly and need to ensure I appreciate him for who is and what he does. Not all men are the same. The fact he takes care of me, is kind and loving and most of all loves and respects the Lord, taking his responsibilities as a husband very seriously is not something to be taken lightly.

2. Housework does not have to be done on a Saturday. Whereas cooking on a Saturday really helps me out in the week.

3. Priorities. My husband and my home are more important than my career. I enjoy doing what I do, but I get more joy from taking care of my husband and making sure he is content and fulfilled. I am his ‘helper’ and daily ask God for grace to help me fulfil this role and be a good wife to him.

4. Sometimes it is just better to walk away (from conflict that it, not the marriage!)

5. Every relationship needs boundaries. Lines you agree that you will never cross in order to protect your marriage and relationship with one another.

6. Sometimes you don't need loads of marriage books and websites to guide you in marriage. Just by turning to God's word, you can gather such wisdom. Proverbs is an especially good book to read.

7. It's good to be thankful for marriage. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Likewise I believe she who finds a husband finds an equally good thing AND obtains favour from the Lord.

Reflections…The little things

Aaah (sigh)… the little things we do to make our weddings our own. Before I talk about the reception, I thought I would share about the things that made our wedding ‘ours’.

Some things were ideas I had seen when wedding researching and decided to incorporate into our day. Others were a little more unique. We also wanted to ensure that we didn’t break the bank, so Lexie and I had to be smart when it came to reception decor. Fortunately as the hall was grand enough, we kept the decor very minimal but used purple runners and napkins to bring some colour into the room, as well as tall centre pieces.

Here are some other things we did to make our day our own…

We hired a classic Rolls Royce to drive us in style. Unfortunately it only managed to take me to the church and then the first ten minutes of the journey to the church, before the engine started smoking and we had to get out! Fortunately one of our guests happened to be behind us and took us the rest of the way to the reception! {Definitely a story for the kids one day!}

The only real flowers used were for my bouquet and the bridesmaid flowers. Everything else was a mixture of real and artificial, making some of the items reusable, if we so wish.

  

We opened our Reception with a traditional Igbo Kola Nut Ceremony…

Our parents ‘passed the baton’, praying over us as the ‘next generation’…

We got serenaded by our friends…

Our candy buffet was a big hit with our guests… 

As well as our personalised labels from Nigeria… 

Our wedding cake was a gift from a family friend, designed to our spec…

 

And was housed on our personalised cake table, with our hand painted ‘WE DO’ letters…

  

We had our first dance to Etta James’ ‘At Last’…

And when we finished my parents decided to join in on the fun and have their own dance…

We got our friends to DJ…

and then everybody DANCED!

        

What things did you have in your wedding that made it ‘yours’?